Sometimes I ask myself “what are you doing Kuskie? Why are you doing this to yourself?”
There can be a number of things that bring that on.  Sometimes it is others who are expressing doubts and sometimes it is me being overwhelmed, or experiencing a lack of feelings for what I had in mind in a moment of inspiration.  They actually say life is 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration.  From my experience that is pretty close to right.
One of my worst enemies is myself - my most constant battle.  I know I can be really hard on myself.  In fact, I know there are times I need to give myself a break.  The last thing I want is to try and pull myself up by my bootstraps.
I do love some of the self help ideas and think there is much good in much I see and read.  But it is my belief that such things are good for those who can be helped by such things.  From what I have seen there is a multitude of people that are like “that’s very well for you but I tried it and it did not work.”
I heard the other day that the 2nd Friday in January has a name.  It is called “quitters Friday.”  It is the time where new years resolutions are discarded.  People go back to the way things were.  Good intentions are relegated to the “that was a good idea” and remains an idea only.
I do think much has to do with the culture we have been brought up in.  There is a sense that failure is due to my not trying hard enough.  That I can win by will power.  But in that regard I am one of those who can say, “that’s very well for you but I tried it and it did not work.”  It seems the harder I try the more predisposed to failure I am.
For me that was a really important lesson.  And it is the core of my faith.  Something I say often concerning stubborn difficulties I have is “not my problem.”
It is weird but I was reminded of “Lego Master.”  I am in awe of the contestants creativity and ability.  But what I remember in relation to this, was how those building something would race to another area and get the resources they needed to continue and build the work.
That is how I feel.  I heed to run to another area to get the resources I need to continue and finish.  I may be my own worst enemy at times. but I have found a way to beat me and I couldn’t be happier.

I wrote recently about how sometimes I need to stand alone.  Others, for a number of reasons, are not available to assist me.  A true test of who I am.
But it occurred to me that sometimes others can actually be against me.
I have seen this in families who may have been successful.  One kid does not want to follow in the footsteps of running the family business.  They just do not have drive in that direction.  The drive may be some pursuit that does not make heaps of money.  Maybe a select few make a living in their pursuit, but for most it is a drive of passion rather than a drive to make a kazillion dollars. 
I read of one guy who was a successful businessman, but unhappy.  He took a different position (not as high profile and what to some would be regarded as a “lowly” job) suited to their temperament.  They had never been happier.
Not only can my motivation be misunderstood, but people who do not know me may be looking for me to fall.  We are famous for it in this country.  The “tall poppy” syndrome.  It is so easy to justify my lack of success by pointing to others who have attempted something different, and it has come unstuck.  There seems to be solace found in the familiar.
I have mentioned before how fleas were placed in a sealed bottle.  The fleas jumped to the lid and no further.  After a while it was possible to remove the lid and the fleas continued to jump only to the height of the previous limitation.  Freedom may beckon, but the security of the known has to be left behind.
A key for me is doing something because it is in my heart to do.  As is so often said it is better to try something and fail, than to try nothing and succeed.  Failure to me is to not give it another go.  I will always care and love, and I will always pursue my heart’s desire.
There will be those with me and those against me.  No matter.  When I want it and know it is right for me, I do it anyway.

I hear it so often, “I just want to be heard.”
One of the things I remember most distinctly when I headed an organization was someone saying to me “I just wanted to let you know what I am thinking.  What you do with it is up to you. “
I felt my role was to do such things in my job.  I was responsible for letting the boss know, on a monthly basis, the state of play of our operation.  I felt big time my role was to tell it like it was.  Sometimes that meant sharing good news and at other times it was not so good news.  The content was less my concern then stating the facts.  My role I felt was simply to let those who make decisions know how things were so that responsible decisions could be made.  I was not there to say what someone wanted to hear but to say how it was.
I was reminded of this by something I read in yesterday’s James Clear email.  To me this sort of thinking applies to me. “The thing to focus on is the pattern. If you hear something once, don't let it wreck your mindset. There are many ways to view the world and not everyone will agree with your approach.
But if you're hearing something repeatedly, think carefully about whether the feedback is right."
As I have indicated before, everyone’s voice is important but not everyone’s voice need be acted upon.  The important thing to me is to approach matters sensibly.  If I close my ears to everything and insist my way is the only way I will potentially miss out.  By the same token if I follow all I am told I can easily lose sight of my goal.
To me taking things onboard matters.  That does not mean I do everything that anyone says.  It does mean though that I listen.  So often the right way is a combination of ideas.  Ignore and I may miss out.  Do everything and I may miss out.
But one constant always remains.  Listen.