Thank you for the birthday wishes.  I am settling in to being this age.  If you had of asked me my age a few days ago I would have given a different answer. 
But the clock has ticked over.  What was inconceivable to me at 20 has happened.  It is now the present reality.  This is me in real time.
I do like birthdays for the presents.  Ok I had dreams of giving gifts on my birthday.  Not stuff I went out and bought but acts of kindness.  Sort of reversing things to make a birthday a time to give rather than receive.
Nice thought.  I did that.  But I got stuff too.  Win win I reckon.
And it goes on.  My bro is coming from the Sunshine Coast today for lunch with us for my birthday.  Plus he is bringing a present.  Ok he asked if I wanted anything from my favourite bookstore.  I told him what book I would like, and he was getting that.
As someone I know said, people coming is a good chance to clear up.  That is what we are doing today.  I mentioned to Merril I feel like a 7/11 man today.  If we start around 7 to when my bro arrives at 11 we will get stuff we want to get done done.
But I do refuse to get carried away.  Stuff we want to do is stuff we wanted to do anyway.  Well some of it.  There is other stuff, but I reckon we should let that stuff mature.  That is really hard for me to say – NOT.
So I have had my birthday now.  Someone at some point was asking when in the year my birthday was.  I had given three dates but someone was onto me.
I am gaining momentum.   Soon I will be rushing headlong into my blankety blank year.

I say regularly how important it is for us to be there for each other.  I know it and stand by it.
But I do acknowledge that there are times no matter who I seek out help from, it is not forthcoming.  I need to stand seemingly alone.
It is funny but I find that is the measure of my strength.  Sometimes I don’t feel inclined to do what I know is the best thing for me to do.  All the feelings I have are contrary to what I truly maintain.  I would like the solace of another’s voice.  The comfort that comes from encouragement.
Many times others are not to blame.  They often have legitimate activities to attend to and sometimes they don’t.  Whatever the reason others are unavailable.  Their heart is with me and want the best for me, but it seems circumstances conspire to cause them to be unavailable.  I do think that that can work for good for me.  To me there is no greater test of character than to go on when feelings desert me.
 So often my dream is born in times of excitement with a real feeling of “I can do this.”  The true test to me is “do I really want to do this?” when my feelings tell me it is a pipe dream and it would be so much easier to maintain the status quo.
That to me is the test of a dream.  Inventors fail often before they succeed.  If they had given up at failure – perhaps thinking they would never find what they think is there, then the world would be the poorer for it.  Or perhaps someone else would have discovered what they could have with persistence and endurance.
There is no doubt such times are difficult, and I only want them to end.  Yet every time I am the richer for the wilderness.  At the time of traversing a wilderness I see only rocks and sand and desert.  I get thirsty.  The familiar takes on an alure.  Perhaps the hardness or emptiness of a past position is forgotten and only the brief reprieves of contentment are thought about.  Often the only thing that keeps me going is knowing that on the other side of the wilderness is a pleasant place I (and perhaps no one) have never visited.
So for me the support of others is welcome but not my motivation but holding to what I accept - both in the daylight and the night.  I may feel alone, but I am not and help to reach my destination is on the way.

Merril’s car number plate is her birthday date.  I can never forget it.  I see it all the time.
For her last birthday she received an unexpected gift.  It was a gratitude jar.  The person who gave it to her did not know that one of the topics highlighted in her studies at the time was gratitude.  It was the right thing at the right time.
I mention it because it is my turn.  It’s funny how the longer I live the numbers only ever go up.
But it has got me thinking about my life.  My philosophy is that no matter how bad something is there is always something good I can highlight and dwell on if I choose to.  I have been conducting a little experiment about that.  As life goes by, and things happen to me both good and bad I have been looking for the good in things.  I actually find it pretty amazing that no matter what happens there has been good.
That does not mean I am glad for all that happens.  I would not wish a tumour or stroke on another.  Yet even in that there is stuff I am thankful for.  It could have been way worse.  In fact, I did not know it but I was not expected to live more than five months after it.  Merril was told to expect me to be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life.  I have the wheelchair here under the table I am sitting at.  I have never needed it thankfully.
Yet even having that has proved to be a good thing.  We have been able to lend it to folk who needed it, and I had it here for my bro who had a worse stroke than I.  He has since passed away.  His stroke is a bad thing, but a good thing to come from it was how it turned his life around.  He may have gone but I do not morn as someone who has no hope.  I know I will see him again.
I have been thinking about growing up in Townsville and the coming to Brisbane.  I am thankful for my life, my wife, my friends, my employment, my volunteering, my home, my direction.  In fact the more I think about it the more I find to be thankful for.  Bad stuff happens for sure, and I could highlight that and be miserable.  Yet there has been plenty of good and I choose to highlight that.  I am grateful.