Merril rang in tears and my reaction contained a surprising element.
 Merril was driving a country road when she hit and believes killed, a bird.
I knew she was driving and received the unexpected phone call from her.  It could have been anything.  I must admit I was relieved when she told me the reasons for her tears.
That is not to say I do not care for the bird.  But the fact she was teary, reinforced to me what I knew.  She has a soft heart.  She cares.  She cares about life.  It is one of the things I think we are similar on, on the compatibility scale.  Although it can be a little embarrassing when I see her tear up, and do the same.
But I did not tear up over the bird.  I love human and animal life.  But I do love her life more than a bird’s.  I would have definitely preferred it did not happen.  But it did.  I tried to encourage her on the phone.  I suggested perhaps that bird was a particularly good bird and had come back as a human.  She had done it a favour.
The point I got out of it though was that Merril’s reaction was one of someone who care.  That makes me happy.  I way prefer that to someone who exhibits a callous disregard for life.
At our place we have a shared policy.  Whatever is within our home, and is dangerous, has to be dealt with.  Whatever looks bad but we know not to be dangerous, we encourage outside.  Sometimes that works and sometimes it does not.  But if it is non-threatening, we prefer not to kill it.
But even if it is non-threatening but within our space with a potential to surprise us, we will deal with it.  We value our peace of mind over its right to run about and cause us angst in our home. 
I had that situation two nights ago.  A non-threatening spider was running about in the room.  It was up high and particularly active.  I should say it started up high and made its way to ground level very quickly.  I had a choice to make.  Kill it and go back to bed or risk us both having a disturbed night’s sleep, knowing the spider could emerge anywhere at any time.  I did not like doing it, but I killed it.  We both enjoyed a good night’s sleep.
It is said some American Indians apologise to their prey before killing it.  I feel I understand that.  I derive no pleasure in killing an animal.  Yet sometimes necessity means I need to.  I will do all I can to avoid it if it is non-threatening.  But I will do what I feel I must.
So Merril in tears over a bird’s demise tells me she cares.  I care for the bird too, but I do admit I care for her more.

Forever and a day…A Day Anyway
Here I am batching again.  My goal is to have you feel sorry for me.  I know I am up against it as it is only one night.  The last time this happened I was telling someone about it, and they said they were all set to feel sorry for me until I said it was only one night.  From then on it was like “suck it up sunshine.”  So I know the approach I took does not work. 
Merril is out seeing her mum.  She got a call yesterday.  I would say secret women’s business except it is not.  Her mum is looking at downsizing.  Not as in going from a size 22 to a size 18. (I am trying to talk the talk here.  She is none of those sizes).  It seems so many ladies keep dress sizes they fitted into when they were 20, in the hope there will come  a time when they will fit into them in later life.
It seems ladies have more of an issue with that than guys.  Sure, I would like to have rippling muscles and cause hearts to flutter when I appear, but that is not the case.  I am what I am.  I am loved this way.  I may have aspirations to be different, but it is not a case of being loved when I am a certain way, but being loved as I am.  Maybe I will be different but that is just a part of the journey and not the reason for love. (Just as well really as I fail miserably in the “tall, dark and handsome” stakes.)  I am what I am, and others are what they are.
But I digress.  Here I am having to hunt and gather.  Then after a hard days work I need to cook and tidy up as well!  (The microwave may get a flogging). I may have more than enough in the fridge and pantry and take away joints may be close at hand.  I also may just be able to phone in a feed. 
But is that enough?  Do I really not need to sit at the end of the driveway howling?  Actually I probably don’t need to sit at the end of the driveway howling.  Hmmm it is more likely “blessed is me” rather than “woe is me.”   I will always miss her when she is not here but in the meantime I am pretty comfortable really.
I have things to do, places to go and people to see today.  I think I will be gainfully employed for the day and a bit while Merril is at her mum’s.  But don’t tell Merril that.  I miss her already and will be glad for her return.

The first part of what we are getting done around the home starts next week.  We are converting our former garage into a granny flat.  An individual or couple will be able to stay there totally sperate from Merril and I.
I guess it is just a fact of life that as one grows older less space is sought and what is needed is reassessed.  Often the conclusion is that less is required.
It is interesting to me that worlds become smaller.  There is a natural resistance to such a thing, but that either ends in acceptance or bitterness.  I know from what I experience I do not like growing older and often my body lets me know that what I once did is now out of reach.  Often I find that out by trying what was once common place, and paying an unexpected consequence for it.
So what Merril and I are attempting is to set ourselves up for the inevitable.  There are two things at work.  We want to get the place nice for us and downsize now while we can.  We also want to set the place up for others who are experiencing the same.  Our aim is to have a place ready.  In the meantime, we are happy to put family and friends and visitors up for short stays.
Having said that we know that we do not know what the future holds.  We feel the best we can do is go by advice we trust and look around at trends.  Right now the trends do not appear to be good.  There seems to be a great promotion of rescue coming from certain quarters, yet what is often promoted is untried.  It also seems to me the scale of things that happen that require immediate finance is growing to such an extent that there will be nothing left for other worthy causes.
That is why now, as best we can, we set up for a possible day when hand outs are not forth coming, and what we have is self-generated - and the haves assist the have nots.
Anyway that is what we are doing on one level.  On another more obvious level we are getting a granny flat.  We are very much looking for to the time we have it, rather than are looking forward to having it.