Yesterday I wrote about vulnerability.  What I talked about I did so in a general sense.  Today I am mentioning what I have seen.
As most know we run a market a few times a month in which items are sold at incredibly reasonable prices.  All proceeds go to our food pantry.  The comment that speaks loudest to me was from someone who purchased a tent and said, “now I won’t have to sleep in my car.”
That to me sums up what I am seeing.  Up to, and including the lower middle class is experiencing vulnerability like never before.  Prices of electricity, food, renting and houses have gone through the roof, and what I am seeing is a class of people that cannot now keep up with the increases.  I am seeing cars which suggest affluence parked in the car park and occupants availing themselves of affordable food pantry items.
I personally feel I will see and am seeing, a creeping acknowledgement of vulnerability.  It is said the rich will get richer and the poor poorer.  I cannot dispute that, as it is what I am seeing.
To me all vulnerable need a voice.  Often, they cannot speak for themselves, or if they do their voices are drowned out by uncaring affluent who it seems look out for themselves at the cost of all others.
Fortunately that is not all I see and many are coming to the aid of others.  Unfortunately there is something called “compassion fatigue” which is becoming more and more real as the sheer volume of need overwhelms.
This is where I believe my role matters.  No matter the state of play, I do believe I can exhibit care.  Not an unthinking care but a strategic care.  Helping in a way that maximizes good for others.
I personally know I cannot solve everyone’s problems, but I can care about what is in front of me.  My way of operating is to treat others the way I would want to be treated.  Often it is easier said than done, but often too it is done.  I know I need help to achieve any good and lasting thing.  Yet that is what I aspire to.
There will always be needs and I will do what I can.  To me people matter more than things and I derive the greatest satisfaction by improving the lot of others.  After all what goes around comes around.  It is not my motivation but I have found when I am there for others in their time of need, they tend to be there for me too.   

Lately the word “vulnerable” has loomed large in my thinking.  When that happens, I like to look into the word and explore the concept.
It is from the Latin “vulnus” which means wound and was first used in English in the early 17th century.  These days it refers to a couple of things. “exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally:” “(of a person) in need of special care, support, or protection because of age, disability, or risk of abuse or neglect:”
I reckon the best I can do is to maintain a realistic self-assessment.  It is good ,right, and proper I think to derive satisfaction from what I do.  Doing the best I can matters.  Having a realistic sense of self-worth matters.  Yet if the tumour taught me anything is that all I have and all I am, can be gone in an instant.  I was wheeled in one way and came out another.
It occurs to me that so much of what I do is to lessen vulnerability.  I take out insurance to lessen my vulnerability to unexpected events.  I get a car to lessen my vulnerability to isolation.  I eat healthy to lessen my vulnerability to disease.  To me I do all this rightly so.  Yet it remains a fact that all I have and all I do could be gone in an instant.  What I do shores up it does not guarantee.
I feel self-worth is a good thing but to me it is a good thing gone bad if I exalt myself and act as if I am above fallibility.  I know I had no control over arriving here or where I am.  I reckon I would be foolish to think I can influence events beyond the grave.  My thoughts and idea can influence, but I as a person cannot.  In my thinking it is the role of all here to influence the lives of others (hopefully for good)
It may look like some have it all together while others are vulnerable and need my help.  Yet all really are vulnerable.  Maybe some do not know it and some do not admit it. But if history teaches us one thing is that we all come and go.  My light may shine brightly for a time but the batteries will run out (but thankfully when these ones run out, I get another lot that will never run out).
It may sound like an oxymoron but vulnerability is a firm foundation.  I am not master of the universe.  I need to get over it.

It has been a weird week so far. Ok it is only Tuesday, but I am thinking of the last several days.
I have been hard on myself because I seem to have lacked motivation.  Yet when I think about it, several things have been achieved that I have been wanting to see done for a long time.
I think I mentioned getting a whole pile of books (boxes and boxes).  I had taken them because I thought what we cannot use I will donate to bookfest.  Yest when I rang them, they said they were no longer taking books.  So here I was tuck with crates of them.
But good did come of it. (It is a little experiment of mine to find good in seemingly bad.  It has worked without fail.  The good in this instance was getting some really good books and one in particular that is out of print.)  
Another good thing has just come to light.  I got to talking to someone who gets bargins at our pantry.  He was the founder and owner of a second hand book shop in our area we used to visit called “The Book Hunter.”  He has retired now but belongs to a church that sells books and provides a mobile library.  He has offered to take them off my hands.
Last night Merril and I went through the crates again seeing if there was anything we wanted.  Merril grabbed a book that is right up the alley of what she needs to do in her studies.
All the books (8 crates) are now in the car to be picked up tomorrow from our pantry.  To me that is great.
I also worked on an area of the yard that was so overgrown it was ridiculous.  I removed all, added heaps of rocks, decided what needs selling or to go to the dump and then rearranged what remained.  I also did some major weeding.
We also had a guy visit us from an arborist company.  They will be sending a quote for getting rid of out last huge tree.  Neither Merril and I want to see it go, but we have both determined the stress during storms is not worth it.  It could fall a number of ways and take out houses and even lives.
I have achieved a number of other things.  So I have decided I am being too hard on myself.  There have been a number of good things done.