Friday is James Clear email day.  I look at what it says and write about things I have experienced and learned along the way.
Today I am reminded of looking like an idiot along the way.  There are times I just blurt out the question on my mind.  I see others nod like they understand.  Perhaps they do.  I don’t.  This is particularly the case with using Acronyms.
James Clear said "In many cases, you'll find the only thing preventing you from learning is your ego. No one enjoys feeling foolish, but attempting something new requires that you climb down from your perch and struggle as a beginner. You must ask questions that reveal your ignorance or attempt skills that make you look uncoordinated.  Learning demands the willingness to live in a brief state of discomfort. You must believe that looking like a fool for an hour will not ruin your reputation for life."
They say (whoever they are) that in learning if I get 60% there is 40% I do not know.  Chances are in future learning a portion of the 40% will be drawn on.  That is one of the reasons why in learning I like to come at it like I know nothing.  I may know a little or a lot, yet I find it is by assuming ignorance I pick up things I did not know.
It is counter-productive to me to pretend to be a “know it all.”  So often even if I know stuff I learn stuff I did not know, because I want to hear from others what they know.
The evidence of what I know is in doing not just knowing.
I will never forget a session I had with a specialist and I said, “I suppose you do this all the time.”  His response “Oh no, I just googled it.”  We both laughed because he did it all the time.  He had not just learned something but regularly did what he had learned.  That gave me confidence.
Having said that someone needs to start somewhere and for everything I do there is a first time.
I want that first time to be built on a solid foundation.  Looking foolish in learning is a price I am willing to pay, as it always reaps dividends for me and others. 

Merril rang in tears and my reaction contained a surprising element.
 Merril was driving a country road when she hit and believes killed, a bird.
I knew she was driving and received the unexpected phone call from her.  It could have been anything.  I must admit I was relieved when she told me the reasons for her tears.
That is not to say I do not care for the bird.  But the fact she was teary, reinforced to me what I knew.  She has a soft heart.  She cares.  She cares about life.  It is one of the things I think we are similar on, on the compatibility scale.  Although it can be a little embarrassing when I see her tear up, and do the same.
But I did not tear up over the bird.  I love human and animal life.  But I do love her life more than a bird’s.  I would have definitely preferred it did not happen.  But it did.  I tried to encourage her on the phone.  I suggested perhaps that bird was a particularly good bird and had come back as a human.  She had done it a favour.
The point I got out of it though was that Merril’s reaction was one of someone who care.  That makes me happy.  I way prefer that to someone who exhibits a callous disregard for life.
At our place we have a shared policy.  Whatever is within our home, and is dangerous, has to be dealt with.  Whatever looks bad but we know not to be dangerous, we encourage outside.  Sometimes that works and sometimes it does not.  But if it is non-threatening, we prefer not to kill it.
But even if it is non-threatening but within our space with a potential to surprise us, we will deal with it.  We value our peace of mind over its right to run about and cause us angst in our home. 
I had that situation two nights ago.  A non-threatening spider was running about in the room.  It was up high and particularly active.  I should say it started up high and made its way to ground level very quickly.  I had a choice to make.  Kill it and go back to bed or risk us both having a disturbed night’s sleep, knowing the spider could emerge anywhere at any time.  I did not like doing it, but I killed it.  We both enjoyed a good night’s sleep.
It is said some American Indians apologise to their prey before killing it.  I feel I understand that.  I derive no pleasure in killing an animal.  Yet sometimes necessity means I need to.  I will do all I can to avoid it if it is non-threatening.  But I will do what I feel I must.
So Merril in tears over a bird’s demise tells me she cares.  I care for the bird too, but I do admit I care for her more.

Forever and a day…A Day Anyway
Here I am batching again.  My goal is to have you feel sorry for me.  I know I am up against it as it is only one night.  The last time this happened I was telling someone about it, and they said they were all set to feel sorry for me until I said it was only one night.  From then on it was like “suck it up sunshine.”  So I know the approach I took does not work. 
Merril is out seeing her mum.  She got a call yesterday.  I would say secret women’s business except it is not.  Her mum is looking at downsizing.  Not as in going from a size 22 to a size 18. (I am trying to talk the talk here.  She is none of those sizes).  It seems so many ladies keep dress sizes they fitted into when they were 20, in the hope there will come  a time when they will fit into them in later life.
It seems ladies have more of an issue with that than guys.  Sure, I would like to have rippling muscles and cause hearts to flutter when I appear, but that is not the case.  I am what I am.  I am loved this way.  I may have aspirations to be different, but it is not a case of being loved when I am a certain way, but being loved as I am.  Maybe I will be different but that is just a part of the journey and not the reason for love. (Just as well really as I fail miserably in the “tall, dark and handsome” stakes.)  I am what I am, and others are what they are.
But I digress.  Here I am having to hunt and gather.  Then after a hard days work I need to cook and tidy up as well!  (The microwave may get a flogging). I may have more than enough in the fridge and pantry and take away joints may be close at hand.  I also may just be able to phone in a feed. 
But is that enough?  Do I really not need to sit at the end of the driveway howling?  Actually I probably don’t need to sit at the end of the driveway howling.  Hmmm it is more likely “blessed is me” rather than “woe is me.”   I will always miss her when she is not here but in the meantime I am pretty comfortable really.
I have things to do, places to go and people to see today.  I think I will be gainfully employed for the day and a bit while Merril is at her mum’s.  But don’t tell Merril that.  I miss her already and will be glad for her return.