It is both with a heavy heart and an optimism I write today.
Yesterday started as many days do.  We had things we wanted to get done.  We are rearranging the “shed” big time.  The library is going and we will keep one bookcase which will be for our books and for reference books we have in a separate bookcase.
For my birthday coming up I will get a clear bookcase to display my stamps.  It will go in the shed as I tend to do all my work in it these days.
Then mid afternoon I received a phone call.  It was the daughter of our sax player saying he was in hospital dying and it was unknown if he would last to the morning.  Merril and I visited in the evening, and he was totally out of it and it is doubtful he even knew we were there.
For our last jam I had a feeling it would be our last.  I encouraged past participants to attend.  It turned out that was the way it was.  Since then, one (Eddie) had a stroke and one had a heart attack.
Some of the best memories of my life were associated with that group of musicians.  We loved getting together to play.  A number of others came to sing.
Eddie was a sax player extraordinaire.  His daughter told me when I visited yesterday that even after his stroke, he would sit on park benches playing the sax.  The daughter would find him with a group of people gathered around him clapping along to his playing. 
That does not surprise me.  When we had jams, I loved throwing to him with a “just the saxophone player” and he would be the lead instrument while we played along.  It just sounded beautiful.
For sure I will miss Eddie though I know we have not said “good bye” but just “so long.”   We will jam again without time constraints.  In the mean time I will miss him and thank him for his love and a life well lived.

Well a new week has begun.  In the coming week the calendar turns over from 2025 to 2026.
I have never been one to place much significance on the change of date to a new year.  In the past we celebrated the new year and saw it in. Really just because it was a cultural thing done.  Oh and we were younger.  There came a time though when we would celebrate the arrival of the new year earlier and earlier.  Because we are close to the international date line we could only celebrate 2 hours earlier.  Our thinking was it is new year somewhere, so we used to celebrate new year New Zealand time.  It was a couple of hours earlier than our time, and meant we could go to bed.
I have been particularly suspicious of New Years resolutions.  I have seen those sort of things fail too often.  It seems to me that if will power was not enough at other times it generally is not enough at any time.  For change to happen I have found the best way is to want it and trust.  Change does not always occur in my time, frame but with help it does occur.
This year I feel a little differently though.  I have never felt as strongly that I want a year to count.  More and more it seems to me old norms are inadequate.  The peace, security and climate I once took for granted no longer perform in the same manner.
Even this week the climate has seemed like a bouncing ball.  There has been heat as I would expect but it has been a burning heat that to me is almost unbearable.  Then it has been cool – almost to the extent of my needing a jumper in the morning.
  I reckon mankind is reaping what has been sown.  Excess, the relentless pursuit of the dollar, the putting of personal gain over moral clarity and the caring for others has led to what I see more and more of. 
So for me more stability seems less and less likely.  To that end I am asking myself what stands no matter what the conditions.  I do well I think to remember that the lifestyle I enjoy is representative of only a couple of percent in the world.  That does not mean this is not similar to what all mankind strives for, but it does show to me that it is hard won ground that can be lost easily.
So I ask myself what do I want?  Basically what I want for me is what I want for all.  That is peace with God and man.  I will do my part like never before.  A step up requires stepping up.

I remember being particularly patient untangling fishing lines.  There were a few lessons in that one.  One thing I learned very quickly was the danger of haste.  It was dangerous to pull on something unless the implications were known.  If they were not, then the line could become even more tightly tangled.  A worst-case scenario was needing to give up on untangling because the problem had become even worse.
I was reminded of that as I have two issues that I am dealing with right now.  They are not quick fixes and can become even more complicated if I act in haste.  They are the sort of things that require more than a day or two’s thought.  They have implications for the long term, and it is important I get it right.
It was into this scene that something I read in the latest James Clear email reinforced to me how I needed to consider in the longer term what to do.
"It is nearly impossible to have your best idea the first time you think about something.  The most likely way to uncover important insights is to frequently revisit a problem. The longer you're in the game, the more ideas bubble up to the surface.  Time unlocks insights."
That, combined with a few other things that came to mind at the time reinforced to me the need to consider.  It is not only a personal consideration but getting the ideas of others. 
I personally find that is the best way to get the big picture.  That was brought home to me big time when I had to implement a policy. I thought I had done alright, and it was only after the input of others I felt it was more complete and the way it needed to be.
To me yesterday was a breakthrough day.  Complete answers were not forthcoming but partial answers were.  The best way I can express it is it was like the clouds parted momentarily and I knew the next steps to take and could take them in confidence.  The clouds closed again but no matter.  I will just wait for a break in the weather.  It will come and I will be ready for it.