Someone said something I found really interesting yesterday.
“I need to be careful what I say because I’m listening.”  That to me was a new spin on stuff I’ve heard.   All about the importance of what I say.  Even in the hard times when I am not feeling much beyond grief or anger or disappointment.
I am big on realism.  I will not deny my feelings but my feeling are passing and do not represent me.  Feelings come and go but belief remains.  To me it matters big time that I do not declare like it is a closed book my feelings alone.
The thing about feelings is that sometimes I am joyful and sometimes I am sad or some other emotion.  For my whole life they have oscillated.  If I were to live my life based on feelings alone, I would go from one extreme to the other.  I do not deny them and some I go with and some I battle against.
What matter to me is who I am.  That is constant.  It is based on something beyond my invention or feelings at a particular time.  It is that that I declare despite how I feel.  That to me is reality.  In private moments I express my feelings.  But I know there is light beyond the storm.  My feelings may be a valid expression of my human nature, or they may be something sinister that will destroy me if I let them take hold.
Whatever the case I will not declare as permanent something impermanent.  I will state what is lasting, what is beyond the ups and downs of my emotions.
The thing is (and I am hearing this a lot lately) declarations can change for the better.  Some may say it is a form of brain washing but sometimes my brain could do with a good wash.
It is important to me that I look beyond my feelings.  Someone (and I do not remember who) said to me “never make a decision when you are down.”  That has proven to be great advice.
So often when I am down, I make decisions that undo a lot of good work.  To me it is better to declare what is real and ride it out rather than act in haste.
I honestly think growth is based on weathering the good times and bad.  I want to grow as a person.  I have found the sun is not always shining where I am.  But that does not mean the sun is not shining.

It is good to have the beginning of answers.  The doctor has sent me for a scan of my chest as apparently I have some fluid on one of my lungs.  That explained to me why I had flem for no apparent reason.
But what has been getting to me of late was the lack of energy I have been experiencing.  Normally I am a “go get um” type when I have things to do.  But I have just slept heaps even though I knew I had things that needed doing.
Yesterday was different.  I was “up and atom.”  There were things to do, and I was your man to get them done.
Merril was into it yesterday too.  I was going out at 10am in the morning.  Before that I helped Merril get stuff set up in the granny flat.  We have had the work done and now we are populating the area and setting it up the way we want.  We have used cupboards and benches from our old kitchen.  We have also ordered a cupboard from Bunnings and need to put up shelves.  We also got a bench from the guy who built the cabin. 
The bench needed to be cut as it was slightly too long and the original cutting had left chips at the end.  We wanted to avoid that, so we took the bench top outside after Merril had marked where to cut.  We clamped another board on the bench to help me avoid doing a Doggy Brothers cut.
I grabbed a saw and cut the bench.  I was not looking forward to it as I knew it would be time consuming and not easy.  The good thing was though it worked a treat.  Merril has been filling in gaps and painting it.
I am hoping all is in readiness by the end of January.  Anyone could use it right now but there are a few things we want to do.
That is not counting the outside, but we are getting things in place to work on that area.  They say a change is as good as a holiday.  Well, I do not feel like this is a holiday, but I am liking it.

One thing I find really interesting is that my thoughts are totally unpredictable.  While I will always endeavour to think about things that will help me and others that can even take me in odd directions.
I was considering the little matter of the whole of human history (lol).  It occurred to me that the only constant is the condition of the human heart.
When I look into the past and all over the world kingdoms have come and gone.  Some last generations but none stands for all time.  The Roman empire came and went.  The Incas came and went.  Chinese dynasties came and went.
There seems to be a new order arising across the world.  Alliances are being forged and there is a jockeying for power and position. Some will gain ascendency while others will be confined to also rans in human history.
So much to me seems to be a different manifestation from on the same plain.  These days we are calling it from extreme left to extreme right.  Somewhere in the middle has been democracy.  It has endevoured to be fair and give all a voice.
But right now it is being superseded by doctrines of force that seeks what it wants based on the end justifying the means.  That is, if it takes lying and force that is ok if I get what I want.  Trust to me is a seen as a cute and deep down desirable thing, but it is seen to be impotent against forces that are willing to use my trust to get what is wanted.
There is only one kingdom I know of that transcends history and that is a kingdom that was said to be not of this world. That to me makes sense, as history has shown that fixing the human heart takes an outside influence.  And to me the human heart needs fixing as we never seem to learn from our mistakes.  We make the same ones over and over.
In the meantime the garden needs work.  And the Studio shed.  And the Cabin (granny flat).  Oh and the world needs changing (lol) - but the best I think I can do in that regard is recognise I need changing and do what it takes.