World Wars

World Wars
“And it feels like someone’s fighting a world war inside.”
If I were paranoid, I would think someone’s watching me.   That is not to say people do not get ripped off online, as they do.  But it seems to me it is often a case of inviting someone in.  It does not matter if it were an automatic email that lands in the in box or a random phone call.  Merril and I often joke that if we were being watched online, the person doing the watching needs to get a life.  Not much happens here.
Yet I cannot deny it.  Sometimes it feels like someone is fighting a world war inside me.  My mind continually goes to inadequacies.  It builds.  It starts with a perceived or actual offence.  Before I know it, I am building a case.  My mind is dwelling on short comings.  Before long it is all I am thinking about.  My mind goes elsewhere but I come back to that.  I add to my case.
I once thought I had offended someone.  I waited several days before contacting them.  They were very friendly.  They told me that “if you had contacted me yesterday, you would have got a completely different response.”
I am not referring here to matters that need to be dealt with.  Sometimes they genuinely do.  Sometimes it is like a “first warning.”  Those are generally not but an offence though.  They are built on a genuine inadequacy in doing the task at hand.
What I am talking about is not measuring up to my standards.  It is finding fault and acting like it is my job to correct.  I have found that the trouble with that though is the other tends to (rightly I believe) dismiss my assessment.  Why I say rightly is that although what I say may be true a person needs to discover something for themselves.  What I say may be true, but it does not come from a good place.
I need to work on my attitude first.  I reckon I need to nip it in the bud as early as possible or else a trickle becomes a torrent that wreaks destruction.  Instead of bringing together it pulls apart.
There is only one way that is effective for me to deal with that.  When I see it happening I go to my maker and say “we need to talk.”  I find prayer works.  I cannot genuinely love someone without praying for them.  I find the earlier the better.  Whatever the case, it is not a one off.  Doing it once is mostly not enough.  Especially if the matter has grown in my mind.
Instead of imagining the worst I want the best for that person.  At the very least it is guaranteed to do me good.  People may or may not change but I know I do.  Nothing like a bit of perspective.  I start to see maybe I need work.  Maybe before I can effectively change another I need to change.
It may sound Pollyanna like but it works for me.  Instead of dwelling on the past I concentrate on the now and the future.  And my future definitely looks better when the past does not get in the way.