Words

While in Victoria, Merril and I visited a place called Sovereign Hill.  It is a period town.  Everything is as it would have been in the days of the Ballarat gold rush.  The buildings, the tools, the occupations, the way people dressed.
Merril bought a book that documents the truism of the time, including recipes and remedies.  At the head of each page is a saying that was in vogue at the time.  One really caught my attention.  It said “man is not what he eats, but what he digests.”  It reminds me of what we say about computers now, “garbage in, garbage out.”
It got me thinking about our words.  As far as I can tell they really can build up a person, or pull them down.  I thought of the words of a song “words, like weapons, ask no questions as they kill.”  Another song has the title “Speak Life.”     Much of what I say is just an exchange of information.  It is neither here nor there.  Other things are really a matter of life and death.
There is something I really feel I need to say to someone.  I totally believe what I want to say.  I am hesitant though, as how I say it is really important.  My aim is to bring hope and not despair.  I so don’t want to bring the person down.
It is true that I am not responsible for how someone hears, but I don’t want my words to be an excuse.  Some people can hear some thing and it is like water off a ducks back.  For others the same thing may cut them deeply.
I can build up defences.  It is like I have a shield.  We say “sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me.”  It is nice saying but I don’t know that it is true.  Things get through.  Things hurt.  No matter how ready I think I am, I am not ready for everything.
Messy divorces seem to be like that.  What starts as sweetness and light, descends into name calling and worse.  A lot seems to be designed to belittle.  It is a real case of one-up-man-ship.  A person wants to inhabit higher ground even though it means pushing someone else down.  I have seen this sort of thing first hand.  Fortunately, it had a happy ending.
By the same token something said at the right time and in the right way can make someone feel like a million dollars.  I had to call a friend of mine.  When I hung up I said to Merril “that person knows the right thing to say.”  It was not forced.  It was not a formula.  It was spontaneous.  It built up someone who was not there, big time.
I want my words to build up.  Although it may start as method, I want it to be spontaneous.  That does not mean I don’t say what may need to be said.  It just means that no matter what is said, it is said in such a way that provides hope rather than despair.