Wide Open Spaces

I wondered if I might be a bit crazy, but it is ok because all the voices in my head said I was ok.  My thoughts are important to me because I want to follow the voice that says I’m ok while keeping me from doing stuff I know to be sus.
I am encouraged as in talking with others I know I am not alone.  It seems heaps go through the “I’ll never be good enough” thing.
For me the question is good enough for who?  Feeling I may not be good enough for me does not mean I am not good enough.  Yet for me feeling like I am not good enough is like being in an enclosed space.  A world of wide-open spaces awaits if I emerge from the enclosed space.
That can be particularly hard if I have gotten used to the enclosure.  I know where to get food.  I have a secure place to rest.  I cope.  Wide open spaces are full of uncertainty.  I can see more clearly, but I can be seen more clearly too.  I need to be watchful in shelters.  My food can more easily be taken.
Yet personally I would not swap it for the world.  I have been in small, confined places.  Security there often could be called loneliness.  No wonder they say nothing ventured nothing gained.  Risks are risky, but the rewards are greater.
Maybe I am more vulnerable living a public life, but to me that is a small price to pay for the personal freedom I experience.  I make mistakes and blow it, but I have wins.  The wins liberate me on a personal level, and they liberate others.
To me it is worth the risk.  I get no joy out of blowing it, but at least blowing it means I have had a go.  Maybe it would never have happened if I had never tried, but trying and failing is better to me then never trying at all.
Life is riskier living in wide open spaces but the freedom that comes with it is worth the price.  There may be a sense of security in smallness, but there is an accompanying constraint.  Every thing may be more familiar in a small world, but openness always contains more.
When I go to the shop and it is closed, it means everything the shop has is unavailable to me.  I have what I have got and the way to more is closed to me.  But when the shop is open, I can explore and see things I may have wanted or needed, but could not get without the shop being open.
When I am open more is available to me and others.  When I am closed the range is limited.  When I am open the range is much more.