Watching

It may be just me, but I suspect it is most everyone.  When I was a kid and I was running it was like all eyes were on me.
They were not of course but it felt like it.  I reckon the kid in the Amazon blowing a dart at a monkey in a tree was probably not watching me.  He probably had enough on his plate making sure he had enough of his plate.
There were times though eyes were on me and I did not know it.  When I started my job others were watching to make sure I did it right.  I worked for the government and we had a parole period where if we decided someone did not fit in the organization for some reason we could let them go.  After that it was really hard to do.
In table tennis I tend to watch others and they don’t know it.  I am gleaning information for a strategy when I play them.  I am good at looking the part, but I am really no threat. I work it out as I go along.  Only playing games to 11 though often means I work it out too late.
I played a guy who beat me and I have nothing but admiration for him.  We were two games all and six all in the last game.  At that point he changed his game up.  He started doing things he had not been doing before.  I was at a loss – literally.
It can be a bit freaky though.  I was gardening and I did not know a neighbour was watching.  They said they could see what I was thinking.  Talk about seeing through me.  It helped that things worked.
Maybe I should treat this as a bit of a confessional.  Even today I do things with a sense that someone is watching.  In one sense it is ludicrous as I reckon another person would need to get a life if they were watching mine.  I reckon I would be pretty boring to watch.  If I was on television, I would not blame anyone for changing channels to see what else was on.
Many times, I do my best work when I know another person is not looking over my shoulder. I enjoy the space to do things and make mistakes and correct them as I go.  Naturally there is a time and place for that, but it is better I make mistakes and learn privately then to blow it publicly, and potentially have many brought down. I find that the way I personally learn best is to watch it done, have someone watch me do it, and then do it and report.
There is a time and a place for it of course, but I heard someone say that when walking the tight rope it is better not to have a safety net.  Nothing helps a person do it right more that knowing there is no option.
As they say “just because you are paranoid does not mean no one is watching you.”  Come to think of it, maybe I can feel like someone is watching me because they are.