The Way Things Were

To me, change comes from within rather than from without.  I know people that won lotto.  They benefited from it, but they did not change because of it.  Circumstances do not make me who I am, but they reveal who I am.
I saw something I thought was a perfect illustration of that one time.  A guy was dancing on the table and was asked (I have forgotten names) “You didn’t win the lotto again did you Smith?”
It has become very real to me that it is no good wishing things were different or harkening back to “what was.”  The best I can do is deal with the present reality or “what is.”  I believe big time that things can be different and will be different, but I am very much against presumption.
High Jump is not on my to do list and nor is a multitude of other things.  They may have been once, but they are not now.  Twice I have had major head spins.  I must admit others are not a priority at that point.  My aim is simply to get over something and get on with it.
For me, they said most change would occur in the first six months.  After that change would be gradual.  It is over five years now.  Yes, things are better than they were, but they are not as they were.  People have said they understand me better these days.  Understanding me is a miracle in itself, as it is something I have trouble doing.
The trouble for me is stuff occurred as I was getting to the age when things wear out.  I have trouble knowing what’s what.  Still I see people older than me doing stuff I can only dream of.  I may (that is a big may) have been able to once, but not now.  My options may be less, but it does not mean there are no options.  They are just different than they may have been.
Maybe it is an empathy thing, but I have a lot of time for those who once knew it one way and now can’t.  In reality, that is the whole population because the best-case scenario says we will get old.  Old comes with a growing list of restrictions.  My doctor likens the human body to a car.  Things wear out.  Looking after them can prolong their life, but the fact is they will wear out.  Things are replaced but there comes a time when replacing them can be dangerous.  To do so may cost me my life.  I sorta think of that as a no brainer.
One of my favourite songs is by a lady called Mandisa called “Overcomer.”  I admit I wept when I first saw the video.  Then again, my emotions are much closer to the surface than they used to be.  It makes me think just as well I am not an angry person.  The video shows famous people and an everyday person overcoming stuff and moving on.  Some things are like real major stuff.  They are real people.  I heard about one of them.
I don’t know that wallowing does much good.  I can throw a big pity party to which you are invited but it would do me good if no one turned up.  The point for me is it is not so much what I am going through that matters, but how I respond to what I am going through that does.