The Past

It is amazing how things snowball.  At first I was thinking about making  a good start, then I thought what about if I haven’t, and then I thought, what if things come my way, I did not ask for.  The consequence is, I have typed as I thought.  This is number two of three.
“If I had my time over…”, “If I knew then, what I know now…”
There are things I would do differently if I could, but I can’t.  For whatever reason I chose to go down the path I took.  I am now the sum total of all my past decisions.  Sometimes I just did not know, while at other times, I just chose to ignore good advice.  Whatever the reason, there are definitely things I would have done differently.  For me, there are things I did which I have a good feeling about.  There are other things, which make me winch at the thought.
It is important to me though, that I do not live in the past.  There are those who spend their life dwelling on what could have been.  We all have regrets, but I do not believe they are meant to stop us in our tracks.  For me, living in the past is counter-productive.  It is such a waste of now.  I cannot let regrets rule.
Of course, that is easier said than done.  None of us know how long we have.  For some it may be just seconds, while for others it could be years. Apart from assisted dying, for most of us, it is a great unknown.  To spend our time dwelling on what might have been, is to miss opportunities.
To me, it is really important I learn from mistakes.  I do not believe it is ever too late for that.  For some things, I may have missed my chance to do it right, but I have not missed my chance to learn.  Making a mistake is less of an issue than making the same one over and over.  Making mistakes is a part of human nature.  Making the same mistake continuously, shows an unwillingness to learn, or that we really do not care.
I know of a person whose job depends on people having what they need, when they need it.  They didn’t.  The person was in danger of losing their job.  Things have changed for the better.  They learnt.  I know another person who refuses everything.  They have done it all their life.  They have not learnt.
I only have now.  I can either look backwards of forwards.  The past is a great teacher, but what is done is done.  I will follow the same path, until I have learnt from it.   They say that memory is about pathways in the brain.  There are good and bad ones.  Trenches might be a more appropriate term for our common behaviours.  Getting out of a trench is definitely harder than getting off a pathway.  I needed help to do that.
Forward is an unknown quantity.  What matters to me, is what I build now.