Tears

I have had a bit of a light bulb moment.  I am glad of it, as it makes things a little easier for me.
Since my stroke I find it hard to disguise my tears.  I shed them easier than I ever have.  I am not a blubbering mess 24/7, but I think having the stroke has made some things closer to the surface.
Don’t get me wrong, I am still tough, and if I was any tougher I’d rust, but there is likely to be more rust, as there is more water. 
I really think I would have trouble now watching the end of Lord of the Rings or the kid going off to Uni and giving his toys away in Toy Story 3.  Those scenes moved me then, and I reckon I would be a wreck now.
What inspired me to think differently is a book I am reading by Charles Swindoll called Growing Strong in the Seasons of Life.  Until I read a particular chapter, I saw the shedding of tears as a mostly negative thing.  Big boys don’t cry.  Guys are good at toughing it out.
The way I see it now is, if a tap is turned on for a necessary purpose that is always a good thing.  If it is on for no reason, that is just a waste of water. 
I would like to quote directly from the book, as he says things way better than I do.
“When words fail, tears flow.
Tears have a language all their own, a tongue that needs no interpreter.  In some mysterious way, our complex inner-communication system knows when to admit its verbal limitations…and the tears flow.
One of the great drawbacks of our cold, sophisticated society is its reluctance to show tears.  For some strange reason men feel tears are a sign of weakness…and many an adult feels to cry to be immature.  The consequence is we place a watchdog called “restraint” before our hearts.  This animal is trained to bark, snap, and scare away any unexpected guest who seeks entrance.
The ultimate result is a well guarded, highly respectable, uninvolved heart surrounded by heavy bars of confinement.  Such a structure resembles more a prison than a home. 
…Impound restraint and let a little tenderness run loose.  You might lose a little of your polished respectability, but you’ll have a lot more freedom.  And a lot less pride.”
He talks about how tears can flow at the most inopportune time – like when doing public speaking.  The boss of the AFP was interviewed on One Plus One.  He wrote an email which was a reflection of his heart, rather than the macho culture of the force.  He was approached by those who had been touched by the verbalization of the way people felt, rather than the way people were perceived to feel.
My hear is always moved by a guy shedding a tear.  Sometimes people do not want to know something, they want to feel that we understand something at least in part.  Often words are inadequate, and a hug achieves more.
I do not know how true it is for others, but I have always experienced that tears are followed by release.  I am a guy.  I imagine public tears will always make me feel awkward.  At least now I feel that while I may never be comfortable, I need not be uncomfortable.  I don’t feel I should bottle up my tears.  That is someone else’s job.