Stickability

Arrr love.  I could write about it until the cows come home.  I used to catch the train home from work, and often saw the cows coming home.  It happened daily.  There seems to me to be a daily aspect of love to consider.
This morning I was thinking about how love is a relationship.  Often it seems many justify their lack of relationship on what they perceive is building the relationship.  Working so education can be afforded.  Meetings deemed necessary to attend.  Often needed, sometimes not.  Being away from someone I love is often necessary.  Yet even though it may be necessary, the time is often accompanied by a pining for the one loved, and a looking forward to sharing with them at the first available opportunity.
Unfortunately, love is often seen as a balance sheet.  There is a feeling that if I cram one side with enough, that will be seen as desirable, and earn me love and respect. 
I am not convinced though.  We need very few things.  Food, shelter, and security are the biggies.  But any of those can be taken to the extreme and used as an excuse.  Not an expression of love, but of selfishness.
A tell-tale sign to me that a relationship is lacking is wanting to get away.  Activities are sought out or encouraged which will mean the spending of less time with another.  Often they are legitimate, but often they are not.  Only the person involved knows for sure.
To me love is about relationship.  It is wanting to spend time with another.  It is wanting to share myself with another and having them share with me.  It is not just about ensuring there is enough food on the table though that is important, or there is a roof over the head though that is important or making sure others are safe though that too is important.
It is all about motivation.  If I do these things because I have to, then forget it.  So often something born of a sense of necessity only, has a limited life span.  As soon as the sense of necessity is gone, so is the motivation.  It has its benefits for sure, but what is less sure is if it benefits me. 
If on the other hand when I do things because I want to, then everyone, including me, benefits.  Stickability is way more likely when there is a sense of doing something “with” rather than “for”.
Someone was telling me how recently they went to a place and were let down.  As soon as the owner found out, he offered everything that had been sought in the first place on him plus some other things.  Yet I have been to places where I only felt like a means to an end.  The service was terrible and demand on me were high.
That to me that highlights relationships.  One experience highlighted that the owner was working “with” his customers, while my experience highlighted the owner was only working “for” himself. 
When my relationship is built on “with” it tends to survive through thick and thin.  When it is built on “for,” it tends to high tail it out of there.