Soul

All my writing recently has been because I wanted to look at “self.”  I wanted to go there because what I hold to is diametrically opposed to what is promoted.  I must admit I am often sus of what is promoted because so often it seems to just be someone else’s agenda and I and doing their work for them.
Maybe it is a bit like jerseys.  I find it weird that major sponsors pay heaps to have their name and logo on a shirt, but I am expected to pay a fortune to have their logo or name displayed on a shirt.  These companies make the rules and they are skewed big time in their favour.
In the same way it seems rules made for what I adhere to are skewed big time in favour of those who set the rules.  I am one who does not hold to the thought that just because they say it, I believe it.
I have a similar view when it comes to “self.”  There is much I think is good in that I believe the self is important and noble.  But contrary to much that is promoted I believe it is marred.  I had a wry smile to myself when I heard someone who was acting as a schoolteacher, telling their students how they came from apes and then hearing the bell and telling the students it was time for their self-worth class.
My “self” to me is the central player in my life.  The way I see it determines what I do and where I end up.  The actions of my body and spirit are motivated by my “self”.  On the one hand I am encouraged to nurture and treat my “self” like it matters most.  While on the other hand I am encouraged to deny my “self” and die daily.  To me these two views are diametrically opposed and cannot be reconciled.  No compromise can be reached without compromising core values.
One it seems works to make me happy in this life while the other it seems works to make me happy in this life and the next.  One promotes self as number one and the other promotes self by making it subservient to another number one.
I am just not sure that one really has my best interests at heart.  To me it is like a mirage seen in the desert.  It promotes hope but it turns out to be a false hope.