So Many Questions

Yesterday I asked myself, “why is it the good I would like to do I do not do, but what I want to avoid doing, I do?”  At the risk of mental overload I also ask myself, “what can I do about it?”
Maybe some do not concern themselves with such things, but I do.  The thing is, I know I am not alone.  I talk to heaps of people and at various times they ask themselves the same questions.  From where I stand it seems to be a common human dilemma.
Others have their own ways of dealing with things, but the only thing real to me is what works for me.  I prefer to be a “short way” person.  Some questions take more than a life time to answer.  Other questions have been faced before and the answer to the question is kindly provided.
One thing that has miffed me for years is reinventing the wheel.  It seems so often someone has been where I am going and has provided solutions to what I face on my journey, and I spend my time trying to find answers to questions when answers where there all the time.  Answers being there seems to be especially true in this day of the internet.  I never cease to be amazed how often I type in a question and there is the answer.
I have found these questions to be that sort of thing.  I have had my share of trying different things that did not work for me.
I used to keep a list of things I wanted to do and things I did not want to do.  I gave up.  I would tick when I did or did not do something and put a cross when I blew it.  A look at the timeline for me showed I consistently blew it.  It almost seemed that trying harder produced the opposite effect to what I wanted.
Something happened that showed me this was a personal quest only.  I got all inspired one time and put up a “to do” list for others.  They flatly refused.  Can you believe that?  In hindsight I thought “why should they?”  This was my journey and there was a good chance that my trying to control others would make them twice as bound up as I was.  Good call by them I reckon.
I did alcohol, drugs, sex, other people, work, things and in all of them my questions remained.
Answers for me were found in a book.  It did not mean my struggle was over, but I knew the starting point was right for me.  It became very clear to me I needed help.  This was not something I could do on my own.  Goodness knows I had tried.  Every time had been like a dead end and thinking “well that was a waste of time.”
Thankfully starting at the right place has led to no dead ends for me.  I face challenges, I blow it.  From my experience it will be like that till the day I die.  The difference for me has been the starting point.  I now have a reference that acknowledges I will face challenges and blow it, but I feel despite the dips this is an upward journey.  What goes with it tells me I’m on the right path for me.
I still sometimes do not do what I should, and do what I should not, but that is not the end of the story for me.  Alone I could not make it.  Together we can.