Sluggish Will

I am reading a speech given by a Jane Addams in 1903, remembering George Washington.  In my mind she said a lot of good things including, “ we are prone to think that by merely reciting these great deeds we get a reflected glory, and that the future is secure…” “the patriotism of the common decent is the mere patriotism of the clan.”  She was asking what makes a great man and said “he has listened to his conscience until conscience becomes a trumpet call to like-minded men…”
I like that, but it was something else I just read of hers that got me thinking. “the lessons of great men are lost unless they drive our sluggish wills forward in the direction of their highest ideal.“  Sluggish wills and highest ideal were what made me do a double take.
I know that for me sluggish will is on the money.  I feel I understand the term “return to the scene of the crime.”  So often I do something, and I want to revisit it.  I get a lot of satisfaction from completing a task.  I do it and the next day I go and have a look at what I did.
But the satisfaction does not last.  It is good for a while but then I need something else to engage me.  It seems so much of what I do is to set myself up so I don’t need to do anything except maintain.  That is keeping me busy enough, but it seems the goal is ease, but so far ease does not satisfy indefinitely.
On one level I question if I am built to know lasting satisfaction.  I will never forget a guy saying “I am satisfied with an unsatisfied satisfaction.”  My will willingly follows the line of least resistance.  But I don’t know that that is always the best way for me.
We watch a few of those shows where they are looking for opals or gold.  Around settlements has been explored.  The wealth is to be found going further out and looking in harder places.  That is not what my sluggish will wants to hear.  I want it easily found.  I prefer not to leave the comfort of a good bed, and air conditioning, and to be surrounded by good friends.
But it seems to me doing what is right for me can be a lonely business.  There are those that understand and care and will point me in the right direction, but no one else can walk in my shoes.  Only I can do that.
I remember hearing about a guy that was thinking of getting piano lessons.  He was asked “how old will you be in five years if you don’t get them?”  He said “46.”  He was then asked, “how old will you be in five years time if you do get them?”  He said “46 – how come the same?”
Time will pass weather I do what is in my heart to do or not.  One way, I am full of regrets, while the other way, I gave achieving something my best shot.  I know what I rather.  That is what my highest ideal calls for.  I need help.  But you already knew that.