Sitting Ducks

I was listening to a song called Day One by Matthew West and a line caught my attention.  “I wish I wasn’t wishing anymore.”  It was about looking back as well as looking forward.  He was talking about looking back and seeing things he would rather forget.
I guess that resonated with me because that is me!  There have been many good things happen but definitely also things I would rather forget.  Decisions I made that had dire consequences.  Choices I made I wish I had not.
The thing is in talking to others I find everyone has that sort of thing.  I am not alone.  Even those who have lived what others consider a good life have closets they would prefer were not opened.
But it does seem that in particular in this day and age there is a desire to pull down.  If someone wants to find something they will.  Reminds me of the ducks at the shooting gallery in sideshow alley.  Some have a procession of ducks to be picked off while others have only a few but the object is the same.
I reckon I would have a procession of ducks.  But there is one duck that cannot be picked off.  That duck becomes the obsession.  The aim is to bring it down.   Fortunately for me though that duck is the result of me having spilled the beans and stuff being forgiven and forgotten.  Today it seems the inclination is neither to forgive or to forget.
For sure folk need to bear the consequences of their actions but it seems to me when the debt is paid there is no need to keep on paying the debt.  It can seem I get away with things but there will be a day when I need to face the past.
So often people seem to say they are sorry when they get caught.  I cannot help but ask myself are they sorry for the deeds, or that they got caught?   Only when I have dealt with stuff can I move on without the need to be looking over my shoulder all the time.
But even when stuff is dealt with there is an inclination for me to look over my shoulder.  It seems to me that is what “wishing I was not wishing anymore” is about.  Better that I don’t do somethings, but if I do and the consequences have been dealt with it is best I move on.
The past can bring me down if I let it.  So it is best I deal with it and move on.  There are plenty of others who will seek out my shortcomings.  But I have dealt with my sitting ducks.  Others can waste their time if they want to.