Set Up

I tend to write about what has happened, or is happening.  Sometimes what is happening is just in my head.  Today is like that.  Someone asked the other night what I thought was a great question.  They said, “what do you do when it is obvious another is, or has, acted out of unforgiveness?”
That has got me thinking and I can only talk of the conclusions I have come up based on what has worked for me in the past and what I may have heard that rang true.  I am unsure if they are the way to go or not, but I only know what has worked for me.
I have been watching people on tv, not with a predisposition to analyse behaviour, but with an eye to what their behaviour suggests to me.  I have seen a couple of people that seem to be acting out of a hardness and unforgiveness.
There is no denying that what may have happened is wrong and needs to be corrected, but it seems to me that the motives are destructive.  The object seems to be to bring another down.
For me, the cycle needs to be broken.  I always think of the saying “he who lives by the sword dies by the sword.”  I recently read about someone who gained power in a country through a coup and was paranoid about the same thing happening to him.  He went to extraordinary lengths to try and ensure that did not happen.  But it did.
For me unforgiveness is similar.  I become obsessed.  The object of my unforgiveness may or may not be aware of the way I am feeling, but if I have my way they will be and will be made to pay for it.
Something happened recently that really brought this home to me.  I thought that (mistakenly as it turned out) someone had something against me.  I will admit I thought of very little else.  I really wanted to make it right if I needed to and could.  As I say I really did not need to, but a strange thing happened.  It was like the moment I apologised, our talking went to a deeper level.
I had not planned for it and did not know what would happen, but it was like there was a greater willingness on both our parts to be open and honest with each other.  It was like a barrier had been removed and we both could see more clearly.
Forgiveness is like that for me.  It seems the moment it is given, not only is the one with it released, but both people are released and free to pursue a potential that has always been theirs.
For sure it is not easy.  Some hurt is incredibly deep and has lasted almost a lifetime.  Often a person has been legitimately wronged.  Yet I think in all cases there is a need for more than justice.  There is a need for mercy.
I often ask, “what right do I have to set myself up anyway?”  I may not do what has been done to me, but I know I am capable of selfishness that negatively impacts others.
As I find for so many things, knowing is not enough.  I need to ask for help.