September 24th, 2018

Unbelievable.  My favourite song in all the world is one called “As the Ruin Falls” It is sung by Phil Keaggy.  The tune is beautiful, but it is the words that mean so much to me.  Today I discovered that is a poem by C.S.Lewis, who is my favourite Author.  I cannot do it justice.  These are the words.
As the Ruin Falls
All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you.
I never had a selfless thought since I was born.
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through:
I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.
 
Peace, re-assurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek,
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin:
I talk of love —a scholar's parrot may talk Greek--
But, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin.
 
Only that now you have taught me (but how late) my lack.
I see the chasm. And everything you are was making
My heart into a bridge by which I might get back
From exile, and grow man. And now the bridge is breaking.
 
For this I bless you as the ruin falls. The pains
You give me are more precious than all other gains.
All the poem is great, but I really love “I talk of love —a scholar's parrot may talk Greek— But, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin” and the words “And everything you are, was making my heart into a bridge, by which I might get back from exile, and grow man. And now the bridge is breaking”
The picture in my mind is a bridge going from Planet Me to Planet “Everything you are” and the bridge breaking behind me.
Everything I have is a gift.  I cannot pretend that there is anything good in me of its self.  I really have so much to be thankful for. In many places, people can only dream of this.  There is so much good around.  It seems to me though, I see a degeneration going on before my eyes.  Someone put it a way I can really relate to. They said, it was like reading a book while darkness falls.  I have no idea how dark it has really got, until I look up.
These days self-reliance is seen as the best there is.  Surrender is seen as weakness.  Trends, fads and movements can all mean something, but what happens in me matters more.  I see surrender, as the way for me to be all I am meant to be.  Like a doorway.  I so love that.  It means little ol’ me, has significance.  I do not need to be rich, or famous, or have great influence, to be important.  As mundane as my life may be, it matters.  Sure I may be seen to be making up the numbers, but numbers are made up of individuals, and I as an individual matter.
I just do what I do.  Sometimes I am inspired, and at other times it is a hard slog.  Always though, there is a belief, the future is bright.