Self-Truth

I enjoyed the movie “A Beautiful Mind” staring Russel Crowe.  I really thought he should have won the best Actor Oscar award.  But from my understanding he was being punished for his treatment of one of America’s favourite acting daughters.  Judy Dench won.  She was very good, but only really appeared briefly in “Shakespeare in Love.”
Crowe played John Nash.  A Nobel prize winner.  It was about his life.  Contrary to the opinion of some, a person needs to do more than loiter in a paddock to be considered outstanding in their field. 
He won the Nobel prize for his “Game” theory.  Please do not ask me to explain it.  I would prefer not to show my ignorance.  The movie contained a few inaccuracies but on the whole, it was how things were.
There was something that stood out to me big time.  Nash suffered from paranoid schizophrenia.   He saw things.  In his case they were his companions.  He was delusional. 
It occurred to me this morning I do not need to be paranoid schizophrenic.  If I think no one else can do my job I’m delusional.  Believing all I am told on tv is delusional.  It is amazing.  I was reading New Scientist the other day and a study was done on research papers and 30% were found to be incorrect.  I think of science as a firm foundation, but it is not.
What I really liked about Nash is that he was honest with himself.  It took him a long time and he almost lost his baby and marriage.  I remember him telling his wife as she was in the car leaving something like “I know so and so is not real.  They never age.”
To me there are few things worse than someone who holds to something despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.  Sometimes I reckon it is a pride thing.  It is never easy to say, “I was wrong.”   When I need to own up it is really hard.   I will do all I can to avoid needing to admit it.  Not admitting it saves embarrassment, but I guess it is either looking good in the eyes of others or looking good to myself.  Initially it must be one or the other.
Sometimes the consequences are small, and sometimes they are large but as Newton proved, for every action there is and opposite action.  I reckon a lot of small make a large anyway.
I created a scene at Wollies the other day.  The coffee was on special and I got a bottle.  I put it where the bags are placed and spin.  The bags were spun and crash went the bottle and broke big time.  Although it was probably not that loud it sounded loud enough to me to register on richter scales across the world.
I admitted verbally “that was my fault.”  The attendant gave me a replacement bottle anyway so I went away a happy camper.  I shake my head every time I think of it.  Admitting I was wrong was not easy, but I reckon I sleep better because I did.
The thing for me is, is it more important to me to reveal myself warts and all, or is maintaining an image more important?  John Nash had to come to terms with what everyone else knew already.  Once he had acknowledged his problem, he was recognised by his peers   Never easy, but always worth it to me.