Scan

I am glad that is over.  I was hesitant to talk about it, but so many treated it as water off a ducks back.  So that is what I am doing.  I had a virtual colonoscopy.  It seems just about every person and their dog has had one.  Well maybe not the dog.  Then again, maybe the dog.  But it just did not seem right for little ol me.
I was given medication and instructions to follow for three days before the test.  Tell you what, having a former nurse as the wife meant I could not get away with anything.  I followed instructions to the letter and if nothing was stated nothing happened.  Nothing is often worse than something.  Never has peanut butter or tomato looked so good.  Someone who did not know what I was going through described the biscuits they had.  I could picture eating the cream first.  Then lingeringly eating the outside.  Sigh.  But it was a dream.  I had to wait.
It seemed that for the first two days, the medication did not work.  Then it worked.  It worked really well.
I very much wanted it all over.  I arrived for my appointment early and said if there has been a cancellation I would take it.  There had not been, so I waited.  I had my laptop with me and looked busy.
I must have a face that says, “talk to me.”  A guy came in and of all the people in the waiting room he talked to me.  When I say he talked to me, he addressed me but in such a way everyone in the waiting room could hear him.  He sat near me in my row.  He went in before me.
Finally I heard my name called.  I was led to a changing booth and was told to put on a folded  gown and go to another room.  I did not know the gown was a normal gown to be put on normally.  I thought the two holes were for my legs.  I tried it one way and decided that did not work.  I tried it the other way and decided that did not work either.  So I went back to the first way.  It was incredibly awkward, so I gathered up the gown like an old testament prophet with his “loins girt” and proceeded to the appointed room.
Sort of reminds me of yesterday.  I had a phone call to make.  The first two times I rang the wrong number.  That is embarrassing, especially when the person at the other end knows it is you.  The third time I got it right.  But the phone cut out during our conversation.  I did not know that.  I was talking away only to be met with complete silence.  I decided at that point to make no more calls as each was a disaster.
Upon seeing me the guy doing the procedure said, “I’ve never seen that before.”  We are talking about a guy who has probably seen thousands.  He got me another gown and it was put on right.
I really don’t want to talk about what happened next.  Except the guy told me on multiple occasions to relax.  Fair dinkum I was giving it my best.  I said to him “Isn’t everyone tense?”  Not as tense as I was apparently.
I had my scan and I was free!!  I really did not feel well, so I went home and to bed.  I feel better currently.  Now where are the butter and biscuits and coffee the way I normally have it?