Run Amok

I have been interested to see what I found when looking for a cartoon related to being alone.  There were a lot of references to Home Alone the movie, but something else caught my eye.
Most cartoons and short video’s related to the opportunity to run amok.  I know in times past I have seen it that way.  This time, I have thought about it, but very quickly realized from past experience that I never feel better for doing it.  On the contrary I find that doing what I may have in mind to do always leaves me further from what I want.  I ask myself, “is it worth it.”  I have to answer “no.”
Oh I can leave the washing up and not take the rubbish out, but they do not go away just because I do not do them.  But that is tame stuff.  There are things I know I could do and face the possibility of spending a life time regretting doing.  Short term pleasure for long term pain.
Something that has become crystal clear to me is I can do what I want.  But again, I ask myself (ok I talk to myself a lot.  Maybe that is more evidence – if it were needed that I need help) “is what I want good for me?”  Sometimes it is.  It is good for me and good for others.  Sometimes it is not good for me or anyone really.
I have been down that road.  One thing I am finding of late is that I tend to do a U-turn much quicker.  Generally I feel some sort of disquiet.  I ask myself “is this what I really want?”  I know what I really want, and I know this is not it (I ask for help with that one.  I know my will power alone is not enough).
I remember a guy at work saying he was doing something a lot less these days, as he had found when people got together to do it, someone always went too far (that was his experience).  I am a “go too far” sort of person. 
Like drinking.  A drink to me is ok.  Getting drunk I have a problem with.  It is just that it heralds a lack of self-control.  I guess I rarely do it, as I know my motivation was always “drink to get drunk”.  For me drinking was not a problem.  Getting drunk was.  But I know I can do it if I want to.
I am not one to rail against something.  I will give my view if asked, but my experience is I know what my difficulties are without being told by someone else without invitation.  Besides I know that for me, the only way I change my behaviour is if I want to change.  Everyone I know has things they battle with.  (I do not battle with drinking.  It was a take it or leave it thing.  I am choosing to mostly leave it these days as I know my motivation)
I tend to state more freely what I am for, rather than what I am against.  There are many things I am against, but I find I could so easily become lost in a cause that is one of many.
So things are pretty tame here right now.  I am doing lots of stuff.  Not exciting stuff.  But be it boring or exciting, I know it is heading in the direction I want to be going.