Resentment

​Resentment
I can’t afford to have it.  I tried.  Gave it my best shot.  Been there done that.  But it never did me any good.  I don’t know that here has been ever any positive that came out it. 
I had my own ideas, but I looked up what resentment means.  “Feel bitterness or indignation at a circumstance, action or person.”  Man, hardly a day goes by when that could not be the story for me.
It is true that what I resent shows what I value, but I think loath or detest are better words.  Resentment to me has negative connotations.  For me, resentment is always a problem.
People regularly do not meet my expectations.  Even sometimes reasonable expectations.  If I resented that every time it happened, I could be a really resentful person.  I am really big on a couple of sayings I have heard.  Let the days own troubles be enough, and do not let the sun go down on your wrath.  To me that is like really healthy mentally.
It does me (and no one else) any good if I let resentment fester.  The thing for me is, if I do, it can become bigger than Ben Hur.  It is not long before all I see is faults and the cycle continues, and the resentment grows larger.
Sometimes resentment is seemingly justified.  The question for me is, “is it up to me to set it right?”  When I destroy, in this instance, what makes me so different from the one I’ve destroyed?
I have found that each case needs to be examined on its own.  One size does not fit all.  There are times when abuse is involved that walking away is the way.  But what never happens in my experience is resentment ends.  It can be buried but it is still alive.  It can surface at the most inopportune time.    Often someone has a win, but it always comes at a cost.  The cost is like paying $100 and knowing something was only worth $10.  I ask myself, “was it worth it?”
When it comes to resentment, I would have to say the answer is no.  Resentment is very much a focusing on the past thing.  Feelings of hurt or humiliation may be justified.  It may be that the perpetrator needs to be punished.  There may be a million reasons why resentment is justified, but there is only one reason why it is not.  It is a barrier to growth.
Resentment may be a living in the past thing, but holding onto resentment is a staying there thing.  It needs to be gotten over.  Let go of.  So many physical ailments are resentment manifesting in another form.  The thing is, the object of the resentment is often ignorant or uncaring of the damage caused.  Holding onto resentment ensures the damage continues.
I have found the best way to get beyond resentment is to acknowledge I have it and to give it to someone bigger than me that can handle it.  I have a life to live.  Carrying unnecessary weights hinders me getting on with it.  It is not my job to correct all injustices or perceived injustices, but it is my job to try to avoid causing any, and to trust that where something is wrong, me being hands on with the perpetrator, is not integral to making it right.