Relationships

Relationships
I heard words this morning which I know will be controversial and each situation has to be assessed on its own merits. The words were “this was harder than we thought.”  It was talking about marriage.
It seems in many things there is a “honeymoon period.”  A time when inadequacies are overlooked, and a person is granted the benefit of the doubt.  There seems to come a time in all relationship though where the honeymoon is over.    What was perhaps cute is now annoying.  What was an obvious fault is highlighted regularly.
This is totally out there but I reckon sex before marriage can muddy the water though it seems most do it.  Good sex seems to be seen as a guarantee of a good relationship.  Sex is a part of any marriage but only a part.  Foundations seem to matter.  Good foundation, good relationship.
I have another little theory about relationships.  It is my opinion that even the most perfect relationship is destined to be tested.  The strength of anything is known by testing.  There inevitably comes a time when the good feelings are a memory, and love is a choice.
Those who know me know I have a problem with negative assessments of people.  I can act like I am immune to fault.  The thing for me is, I could easily be bundled in the “at fault” group.  In fact, I should be.  There is not one of us who can marry someone faultless.
I always have a choice.  I can highlight another’s faults and look for someone I consider better, or tough it out.  One path seems to be a merry-go-round, while the other endures short term pain for long term gain.
To me life is built on enduring.  One thing about enduring is it always has an end.  If I endure or last the distance, I can end up stronger, wiser, and more loving.  It does not matter what base I start from, my growth as a person will be determined by my willingness to endure.
Like in everything, the need to endure is seasonal.  I know sometimes I feel like all is well with the world and I can achieve anything.  At other times it is a “why bother” thing.  Someone did say the tough times help us to appreciate the good times more.
I know there are cases where it is best to walk away.  What I am talking about is a generalization.  There are often those though that feel their circumstance is “different.”  I reckon sometimes yes and sometimes no.  Only a person themselves knows the truth of the matter.
I had someone sharing with me the seeming injustice of a matter.  They looked at me like I was supposed to agree with everything they were telling me.  They were miffed when I refused to play that game.  I could not because I had not heard the other side.
In all relationships there is always the “other side.”  My case may be valid and what I say may be true, but I must always ask myself am I highlighting the worst at the expense of the best?
Maybe I should concentrate on myself.  I know I do not need to look too hard to find inadequacies in me.  Maybe at the very least I need to spend more time loving than criticizing.  The longer the criticism has gone on though, the harder it is to break, and the less inclined I will be to see it broken.
I have found without fail what I concentrate on becomes bigger.