Regrets

​I was just wandering around the web.  Looking at news items and following links that interested me.  I ended up at one that featured a guy called Daniel Pink who had just written a book called “The Power of Regret.”  He surveyed more than 16,000 people from 105 countries and collated the results.
There is much in the interview I can take or leave, but there were some observations that got a resounding yes from me or opened up my eyes to stuff I had not considered.
One statement that got my attention was “…looking backward can help us move forward.”  I do totally adhere to that.  As he states better than I ever could, many are obsessed today with positivity.  Positive thinking seems to be all about discarding the past and being positive only.  To me that is like having a boat that could never float but claiming it will based on declaration alone.  To me I deal with the reasons it does not float and then declare the best.  Dealing with the past equips me for the future.
I am not one to dwell in the past, but I am also not one to pretend it never happened.  I can never be my best if I have not dealt with the past as best I can, and then moved on.
Another thing he said that was an eye opener to me was “When people tell you their regrets, they’re simultaneously telling you what they value.”  I thought that was really good to know.  That tied in dramatically with something that impacted me strongly.  Merril told me how she had asked someone how they were doing or the like and they burst into tears saying what was very much on their heart.
I must admit it really made me think that people maintain a decorum (which is good), but so often they are waiting for someone to evidence they really care and then they unload.  It made me think that so many I come across (and I myself) have something near and dear to them that I completely miss.
I have mentioned before how amazed I was when someone opened up to me and said something and told me it was so good to say that.  They were talking about a regret they had and in saying it I saw what was valued.  I must confess I liked what I saw.  To me it is understandable that people are hesitant to open up.  Opening up exposes vulnerability. It has got to be the right person and the right time.
But as the author points out, so often the positivity mantra suggests only the future should be embraced.
Yet I do very much feel like there is a right time.  To me the right time is the time it happens.  I have no guarantee that that time will happen again.  Yet at the right time there is healing and health.  Only when I have dealt with the past rather than just buried it, can I expect health and wholeness.  As this guy found in his survey “there are more regrets about inactions than there are actions.” 
I am not going to get the book, but I really got a lot from the review.