Regrets

​Regrets
“Yesterday’s a closing door, you don’t live there anymore.”  I love that because it really emphasises to me that no matter what happened yesterday – good or bad, it is past.  I cannot change it if I want to.
What I have is now.  For sure the past needs to be dealt with and I need to make amends if that is possible.  But where it is not possible, today is a new beginning.  I do not hold on to glib phrases.  It is not a psych myself up thing (though that beats the alternative).  It is a trust thing.
For me, there are few things more soul destroying than regrets.  I have them.  Missed opportunities, things said or done or not said or done, unexpected goodbyes and expected goodbyes.  But no matter what they are they do not rule me.  I do not live in the world of should, I live in the world of will.
There is no doubt I learn from the past.  It is sometimes just an “I won’t do that again,” or a “if that comes around again, I’m in.”  But I refuse to act based on hurt or disappointment.  At all times I try to act on love. 
There is no doubt I am a work in progress though.  It is so easy to react rather than respond.  But I spend a bit of time with me.  Things can take a while to get over.  But - and sounding like Yoda, get over them I will.
Merril and I sometimes joke “move on.”  I am not a parked car, I’m a moving one.  I’m trying not to move recklessly, but to stay between the lines at the right speed.
One of the best things I ever heard said was “do not make a decision when you are down.”  Invariably if I do, I just have another regret to deal with.  Sometimes for me it is just a “maintain” thing.  What has happened may have taken the wind out of my sails but for sure another breeze will pick up.  Sometimes the best I can do is to do what I have been doing.  Hopefully there have been lessons learned.  If not, I am headed for rocks for sure.
I do not belong to the school that says “if I learn from my mistakes, shouldn’t I try to make as many as possible.”  But mistakes happen.  I feel like it is a welcome to the human race thing.  But to me all mistakes are an opportunity for growth.  The choice is mine.  If I hold on to regrets it is a disfigured growth.  If I don’t it is healthy growth.
For me when regrets come knocking it is decision time.