Paradigm

A guy called Stephen Covey wrote a book called “The 7  Habits of Highly Effective People.”  In it he makes a point I have never forgotten, and it has been a guiding principle of mine.
He talks about a paradigm shift.  The illustration he uses is a man on a train.  He has two kids and they are running amok.  This annoys other passengers big time.  Finally, a fellow decides he needs to talk to that man and have him control his kids.  He points out to the fellow what a nuisance his kids are being.
At that point the man seems to come to and apologises.  He explains the kids are not normally like that, but they had just lost their mother.  At that point the complainer had a paradigm shift.  All he had seen was kids running amok.  After he spoke to the man he understood why, and it changed his whole outlook.  A paradigm shift is a new way of looking at the world. 
Why has that meant a lot to me?  It is because I see behaviour that I may find annoying.  Yet when I delve into it by actually talking to someone, I find out why a particular behaviour is being manifest.  One of his chapters is called “Seek First to Understand, then To Be understood.”
Often all is not as it seems.  It is easy to criticise and destroy.  It is way harder for me to build.  A bomber can destroy in seconds a building that can take years to build.
What is particularly hard, and why it often does not happen, is that to understand a reason for something, often I need to get along side a person to find out why.  That takes time and courage and openness.   I may not want to do that.  Throwing stones is easier than defending against stones.
It is often seen as uncool to get along side someone who is universally rejected by others.  I thought the Pixar Short Film “Birds” highlighted that really well.  A flock of birds laughed at and talked about and rejected someone different.  Their goal was only to make him disappear.  They came undone and it was hilarious.
Not everyone is born with a silver spoon in their mouths.  The media seems to concentrate on extremes.  I see the really good and the really bad; the really rich and the really poor; the really famous and the really unknown.  That’s me.  The really unknown.  Part of the “great unwashed.”  (though I did have a shower in March).
As has been said “most men lead lives of quiet desperation.”  Sounds depressing.  It would be if that was all.  But it is not.  In many ways it is really good news.  The first part to solving a problem is to recognise there is a problem in the first place.
Some soldier on despite the circumstances, while others seek lasting solutions because of the circumstances.  To me they are the ones worth getting along side.  Getting along side someone can be a great way for me to get egg on my face.  Thankfully it can also be a great way to use an egg in a delicious recipe.  Naturally I’ll never never know, if I never never go.