Once Bitten

I smoke.  I have never heard anyone say, “man I wish I smoked like you do.”  Besides, my only response would likely be “you’re kidding aren’t you?”
Some people just give it up.  Two people that are close to me did.  One was told by a doctor he needed to, or he would die.  The thing is, he will anyway, but he did not want to bring it on prematurely.  Immediately he stopped and ate copious amounts of peanuts for a while.  For someone else I know circumstances just changed and they gave it away.
It used to be that 22% of the Australian population smoked.  That figure is now 13% since the price went through the roof and I need to re-mortgage the house to afford it.  One thing that does not change is that some of the best conversations are had by the smokers.  Merril used to join them just for the conversation.  Despite that, not smoking will always be better than smoking.
Some say “just give up.”  If it was that easy I would.  Others, think “you just need more will power.”  If anyone has any spare, I’ll take it.  Wise people who have never smoked do not know what it takes.  However, the worst tend to be former smokers.  It is like the template that worked for them, is right for everyone.  My thinking is, there I no victory without a battle.  Some are short and sharp, others are more protracted.  Whatever way, a win is a win.
The good news for me is I am now only purchasing one packet of rollies a week rather than two.  For me, it is a step in the right direction.  That final step for me looms as a toughy.
I was thinking this morning that I will always rather be real than pretend.  I am not in favour of the indiscriminate airing of dirty linen.  Besides, you probably do not have the time and I imagine you have enough to work on yourself anyway.  This may come as a total shock, but I am not perfect.  Perhaps I should give you time to digest that previously unconsidered piece of information.
I don’t wish anything untoward on anyone, but smoking is very visible.  There are many things done with worse ramification for others that are generally not a public thing.  If I had a choice right now of smoking or not, I would choose not to.  The thing is, it is an addiction.  They say heroin is easier to give up.  My chemist has not smoked in years, but he says some days the urge to do so is almost overwhelming.
I say all this for a number of reasons, but I really feel for those that say after two hours “I’ve given up smoking.”  I must confess I take a bit of that with a grain of salt.  I am ready to be impressed if a person has given up for two weeks.  I gave up and then mum died.  I went straight back to it.
The last thing I want to see is someone set themselves up for a fall.  It is too easy to do.  I know I have placed unreasonable expectations on myself in some things and failed.  Failure is often associated with beating myself up.  That really achieves nothing positive except I may know what not to do.
I know I will give it up.  The disadvantages far outweigh the advantages.  The thing is, I refuse to beat myself up.  For me it is a case of once bitten twice shy.