Milestones

At the time of writing, it is now.  When you read this, it will be now, but a different now.  I apologise for writing about certain stuff, but at the moment it is front and centre.  Down the track it will not be, but that is not the case now.    For sure it is getting easier, but having to go through his things and reorganizing where he lived makes things vivid.
It is a week today I made the grim discovery that my brother was no longer with us.  Grim for me, but not for him.  I cannot help but feel that to wish he were still here is selfish.  Of course I miss him, and the tears come too easily.  Yet when they do, or are close, I am reminded that where he is now, he is whole.  Gone are the effects of the stroke.  Gone are the limitations that were so foreign to him.  They are my domain, not his.
Something occurred to me a while back which I have put on my wall.  “I am not what I was, but I have never been what I will be.”  I care big time for others, yet I know I need to care for myself.  I do not see the point of meeting everyone else’s needs but not my own. 
Because of what today is, I was thinking I do not want this milestone to be a millstone.  I would need to say kilometre stone now, but it does not sound the same.
To me, milestones are good reminders.  The term came about when a stone was placed next to a road marking a mile.  I guess they are like the signs we see telling us how many kilometres to the next town.
I sort of like how it is done now.  I am less interested in how far I have come then in how far I have to go.  I will not forget significant events along the way.  Like where I may stop to have a coffee.  Milestones though serve only to spur me on.  Milestone has come to signify some significant event.  It is obvious what significant event I have in mind eight now.
Thankfully that is not the only significant event in my life.  Birthdays are the obvious one.  I am terrible with birthdays.  Merril’s car number plate is her birthday.  I do my best to remind everyone that my birthday is January 15.  Though I must admit I have trouble celebrating getting older.  Except for the presents.  Keep them coming.  It is not like I am 7 and tell someone I am seven and a half.  It is not like I go “I’m 63 and a ¼ (which I am).  Once I wanted to be older.  Now I would like to be younger.
But the thing is, it is inevitable that the sands of time stream through the hourglass (“Days of Our Lives” has spoiled that for me).  For some they go through quick.  For others slower.  But they do for everyone.  For my bro. a milestone was reached a week ago today.  Part one is over.  Part two begins.  But his milestone is not my millstone.  I miss him, but to wish he were still here would be selfish.  I know he is better off.
But I am still here.  I am happy to celebrate a life.  But in my life, I have milestones, and where I have been is important, but my destination is more important.