Mediation

It seems so often it is a verbal response that is the undoing of a situation.  Things can be going along well and then someone says something.  If they are like me, it may be something I have thought but not the way I feel, or it may be something that just did not come out right.
Whatever the case, before I know it the situation has flared up and there is an unwillingness to go on.  Sometimes it is just the excuse someone was looking for, and at other times it leads to a perception that is incorrect.
It can be though that exactly how someone feels comes out, and what was really the case all the time, sees the light of day.  It seems to me it is what happens next that matters most.
It can be that reconciliation is seen as impossible.  But that cannot be assumed.  I will always appreciate my boss’s willingness to hear both sides before making up his mind.  But at that point I can inflame a problem or pour oil on troubled waters.  The way I feel might not necessarily change, but rather than making the situation worse I bite my tongue.
It is incredibly easy to attempt to justify myself and to imply that the way I see things is the right way.  I find that where ego’s are involved it is easy to puff myself up.  The trouble is, I want to make myself look good and so does the other person who has a diametrically opposed view.
I reckon that my best response, though probably the hardest, is to say nothing.  Often it matters not what I say, it will be used to reinforce the argument against.  So often anything I say is used against me.  Also I am in real danger of blurting out something I do not believe but say in the heat of the moment.
So often in mediation it is not the one on the attack that prevails but the one that keeps their own counsel.  Someone who is willing to be silent is mostly fairly confident in their case.  Often the more I talk the deeper the hole I dig.
When I say nothing, there is nothing to grab on to.  As an adversary there is often nothing more frustrating than silence.  The one on the attack often says something that is their undoing.
There is not a doubt in my mind that what is inside comes out.  If there is bile and filth, it is just a matter of time before it shows itself.
But sometimes decisions that need to be made are less personal and involve making a choice between two views.  Accepting a bit of each is not possible.  In that case it is my practice to hear someone out.  To have the cases presented one at a time.  I have never been in favour of having two people speak at once.  I have been there not as the decision maker, and walked away believing it was a case of the loudest voice prevailing.
Merril will tell anyone that I don’t even like to raise a voice at home.  Discussions from afar have never been my thing.  For matters that matter I will go and talk face to face.  I do believe that a voice in a soft measured tone carries more weight than something proclaimed when it does not need to be.
Mediation is a toughie. Yet a soft considered response always makes me want to listen more.