Meaning

In reviewing some of the things I have written I guess there is a bit of a theme.  Some might suggest ad nauseum.  But it is not that way to me.  In reality, it expresses the sense of self-worth I feel.
It seems to me that my value is portrayed as nothing really.  Value is given to those who become rich and famous or get really good at something.  I hold them up on a pedestal, I read about them in magazines, and they can become my special subject.
Yet I doubt I will ever be someone’s special subject.   I may be good at something and have a positive effect at work or in my hobbies, but in 200 years’ time I reckon the question will be “Peter who?”  I remember hearing about someone saying, “I can’t go on, everyone knows.”  But if I am real my everyone is probably about 100 people.
I suppose a lot depends on what my self-worth is based on.  Maybe I am not hearing right, but I am getting a really confused message at the moment.  At one level I am told “you are somebody, you can do it!” and on another level I am told “make the most of it as this is as good as it gets.”
I am the sort of person for whom there has to be a point.  Growing up, raising a family, doing my job well, loving, are all important and good.  Yet I cannot help thinking that in 200 years’ time I will be just a memory if I am lucky.  I do not know the names or life stories of the people that lived in the middle ages.  From what I see in society their influence was good, even if it was not personal.
I think many of the problems we are experiencing in society are due to a lack of meaning.  At one end there are those that run amok and get 10 minutes of fame, and at the other end are those Thoreau referred to when he said, “the mass of men live lives of quiet desperation.”
To me, meaning makes a difference.  It changes the way I see myself.  No longer am I Joe Nobody.  I know I am not Joe Nobody to those close to me, yet I cannot help think that in 200 years’ time that won’t mean a lot. 
A friend of mine is almost 100.  There is no doubt their world has shrunk.  They have asked something I think we all do by saying “what can I do now?  What difference can I make.”  Yet they have now assumed a role that I think is incredibly important.  My reach may diminish, but it is never inconsequential.   I feel I need to stop thinking of age as a liability only.  I would like to be spritely but I’m not.  My usefulness has not expired, but it has taken on another form.
I saw that in my mum.  She would visit people in hospital when she was the one who should have been in hospital.  When she passed on, there were flowers and nice things were said, but her life had a meaning that went beyond that.
That is where I come from too.  I will gladly take all the good things on offer, but I consider them a means to an end and not an end in themselves.