May 27th, 2020

​I was looking up an old mate of mine.  He lived on the southside of Brisbane when I lived over there.  He was my best mate.  He had polio.  At that stage it affected his gait only.  I have not been able to find him.  It makes me wonder did he make it.
I was thinking about him yesterday.  I will never forget the first time he came to my joint.  I was into fish big time then.  I had a couple of tanks.  I remember him asking questions.  He was not just enquiring out of politeness.  Turned out he was into fish big time too.  He had tanks.  Neither of us knew that, but immediately we had a common interest besides the one that brought us together in the first place.
We did heaps together.  It was he that was interested in worms and got around 1,000 and they all escaped.  We think they burrowed their way out.  We thought it was a perfectly reasonable place to live.  He, my brother, and I, would play under the house cricket.  They were good times.
I was thinking about him in relation to how I meet people and we become friends.  Seems there is a getting to know you phase.  It is really at that time if I decide I want to spend time with a person or not.  I need to be interested in them, and they in me.
Generally there is a common interest.  I am big on common interests.  Being in charge of a club for a while, I really felt that while we had table tennis as a common interest, there were others that we shared but often did not know it.  I tried very much to encourage association of those who shared an interest in the same thing.  Photography comes to mind, though there were heaps of others.  I always felt that that formed a bridge across divisions.  While someone may not be as good at table tennis as another, they may be a way better photographer.  I felt we all could learn from each other, and sometimes become good mates.
We could only become good mates though by getting to know each other.  It seems to be a pre-requisite of any relationship.  If I feel I will never be able to trust someone, I do not want to spend time with them, no matter how much in common we have.  Some things preclude relationship.  But as long as there is nothing like that present, there is potential.
The other thing I feel is important is to actually listen.  I have been with people who I know are just waiting to speak.  It is not like they are really hearing me.  They just see me in front of them as a chance for me to get to know them rather than a chance for us to get to know each other.
I want to be heard.  I want someone else to feel what I have to say matters in some way.  I know it does to me anyway.  It is fact of life though that the more someone hears me, the more they will become aware of the good, the bad and the ugly.  The thing is, we all have that, and the best I can do is accept and move on.  I don’t know that anything is as painful as rejection.
Thinking abut it, I reckon actually taking an interest in someone, and listening, are biggies if we are to become friends.