Loneliness

​I saw a quote the other day by Rowan Atkin where he stated how much he dislikes being asked “why are you so quiet?”  It is his nature.  Being funny does not automatically make him an extravert.   He said, I don’t ask people “why are you so noisy?” or “why do you talk so much?”  In his words, that would be considered rude.
As Merril will tell you, I am quiet by nature. But I have never had a problem with loneliness.  Some people do.  They have a real problem.  A problem to me is something I don’t want but cannot overcome.
I love people and I love to be alone.  Too much of either could lead to problems though.  Merril retires soon.  Until then, I spend a lot of time alone.  I am finding it easier these days to say no to going out than yes.  It is not a problem at this stage, but it could be if I let it.
When I talk to people it is not formulaic.  I am genuinely interested in people.  I talk and I listen.  I heard ages ago that “interest governs memory.”  I tend to remember stuff, not because of any super powers, or because I need to work at it, it is just that I am interested.  Time flies by.  By the same token I like to be alone too.  I get “me” stuff done.  I have found though, I am a write off at night despite my best intentions.  I tend to veg at night, and before I know it, it is late.
I find there is a difference between being alone and being lonely.  Being alone sometimes is necessary for my sanity, while being lonely is never desirable.  Wikipedia describes loneliness this way “Loneliness typically includes anxious feelings about a lack of connection or communication with other beings… As such, loneliness can be felt even when surrounded by other people. The causes of loneliness are varied…”  The effects vary too, and loneliness has been linked to depression, suicide, alcoholism and schizoid character types. 
Apparently there are two types of loneliness.  Transient and chronic.  Transient is temporary.  It comes and goes and is often brought on by something that occurs.  Chronic is more serious as it does not matter what happens in the environment it is always there.  Studies have shown that loneliness has increased and intensified.  I need to take care that transient loneliness, which we all experience from time to time, does not become chronic loneliness.  If I let it, it can.
I have heard this generation described as never having been more connected, but never having been lonelier.  Fortunately these days there are resources available.  However available resources in themselves do not solve anything.  There has to be a willingness on the part of the one with the problem to appropriate available solutions.  When they do, it is great to have available resources.
Lonely people can be incredibly creative.  That does not make it ok though.  I have never known a lonely person who wants to remain in that state.  However the solution is found, solutions always expand a person’s capacity rather than contract it.
I reckon the best resource available for a lonely person, is someone who has experienced it themselves and come though the other side.  Until fixed, a lonely person cannot achieve their potential as a giver.  Only when the problem is overcome, can a formerly lonely person contribute all they have to offer.