Log Jam

I wrote on this yesterday but the more I consider it, the hugher (I do not think that is a word) it becomes.  In my mind it determines my quality of life.
It sure can seem a bridge too far.  When I have lost everything or been hurt in my youth my life is affected.  I will never be the same.  Of course it is easy for me to consider as I have never experienced either.  But there is a question I need to ask myself.  What are the options for me?
I can seek justice through lawful channels, or seek justice through unlawful channels.  What I have seen though is going through unlawful channels never ends well.  Even though the lawful way there are times justice is not served.  However, to me my motivation always needs to be forgiveness.
I just see the consequences as too dire.  When I seek justice my own way it is guaranteed I will not be the only one hurt.  In worst case scenario’s others who have nothing to do with my dispute are negatively impacted.
I read something ages ago that was a real eye opener.  A guy was mild mannered.  For years he had been that way.  Yet inside he seethed with resentment.  One day he did the unthinkable and many were left bereaved.
It is that sort of thing that makes me think forgiveness needs to be real and soon after the event. Otherwise, it can grow and can have terrible consequences.
I read today about log jams.  One offence that causes all other offences to back up behind it.  It reminded me of the ship stuck in the Suez Canal that stopped all ship traffic going through.  It was only when the ship was freed that the rest of the ships could proceed. 
It seems to me so much of what I can do is making hay while the sun shines.  Unforgiveness may be stopping me enjoying as I could, the relationships I have, but I convince myself the hurt is worth holding on to.  I am kidding myself though if I think unforgiveness is inconsequential.  All my relationships are affected.  They can be really good but the fact they could be better is lost to me.
I am not a “near enough is good enough” sort of person, where it is in my control to affect the outcome.  Maybe someone’s behaviour is worth my pursuing justice, but something I am incredibly aware of is that when I point my finger there are three pointing back at me.  It is of utmost importance to me that my attitude is right.  I cannot make a claim to be flawless.  I need to make sure my motivation is right before I start telling someone else theirs is not good enough. 
There is every chance that another’s behaviour is unacceptable.  In the first instance though, I try to ensure my motivation is what it should be.