Listening

I said yesterday that what I write is likely to be a smorgasbord of thoughts from the email from James Clear.
It turned out that I really only wrote on one subject in the email.  A quote from C.S.Lewis.
I am referring to another quote this time as I spent a good bit of yesterday reading a book that was talking about this very subject.  "Communication is about what is received, not what is intended. If there is a gap between what you are saying and what they are hearing, you have to find a new way to say it."
The author was giving approximate percentages on conversation.  For example, when someone is giving a talk from the podium it is mostly like 90% talking and 10% listening.  The 10% is really born of question time at the end.  On the other hand, when talking with a random stranger mostly while in transit (like on a plane or bus) the conversation is more 50/50.
It is when sharing with friends and family that I really need to listen rather than speak.  The best percentage is 90% listening and 10% talking.  It amazes me how often people think I am a great person when I do not say a word (maybe there is a hint there for me somewhere).  All I do is listen.
I will never forget a mate coming over.  He was obviously distressed.  He really wanted someone to talk to.  So I spent just about the whole time listening.  Here I was thinking maybe I should be some great guru who had a perfect answer for a complex dilemma.  But no.  The guy in relief said a particular thing had never occurred to him before and went away feeling better than he came.
And I had done nothing but listen.
The power of listening is incredible.  Not listening to speak but listening to hear.  Often problems are solved by simply allowing the one with the problem the opportunity to be heard.