If Only

It is weird what I remember in movies sometimes.  I remember in the movie Shrek, Shrek and Donkey were looking for something (I do not remember what) and they entered an old castle.  It had heaps of stairs going this way and that.
Shrek told Donkey he should go a certain way using the stairs.  Donkey declared he had no problem with that as he was “the stair master.”
I thought of that because I have been thinking today there is something I reckon I am the master of, and I wish I was not.  I feel like I am the “if only” master.  All too often I have looked back and thought “if only.”  “If only” I had acted a certain way things would have turned out differently.
I call by and see someone occasionally.  He used to live across the road from us.  They have moved on now but only up the road.  They live on my drive home.  I kept on thinking I should go see him but put it off.  Finally I did go see him and I found out his wife had recently gone to hospital.  She is home again now, and I have visited a couple of times since, but for me it was an “if only” moment.
Actually that story is not over yet I reckon.  He tells me for every 10 visits he gets I represent 9.  As far as I am concerned that is what it is about.  Befriending the friendless.  Getting close to another who others seem to regard as not worth the time.  But who to me have their own story to tell.  Who have hopes and fears, dreams and disappointments and who are trying to make a go of it.  Those who’s names may not evoke a memory in most but who evoke a memory in those who have gotten close.
What I do like is that there comes a time when I say “enough is enough.”  The “if only” master becomes the “only because” master.  I reckon I have reached that point.  Ok maybe it is later in life, but it has happened.  I reckon it is better to have something happen late than not happen at all.
It seems to me nothing lasting or of value is built on “if only.”  I never hear of what could have been I only hear of what is or was.  It is all to easy to let fear or convention hold me back.  Anyone who has ever done anything outstanding has stood out from the crowd.
Standing out always exposes.  It is not a place of being unsure.  In every case there are those ready to pick off.
Why do herring form bait balls?  Because no one wants to stand out.  There is a belief there is safety in numbers.  From what I have seen though that can be a false belief.  Sharks and other predators attack the ball until there is nothing left and then move on.  It seems the only difference for the fish is how quickly it was eaten.
I can remain an “if only” person.  The choice is mine.  But if I do I reckon I will be saying “if only.”