Identity

My head is in two spots at the moment.
The mornings I spent working round the yard.  I then had a rest and woke up feeling like I had done enough.  I put on sandshoes to return to work, but it did not happen.  I watched tv then read.
That is the other place I am at.  I will probably talk about what I am reading as it is where I am at and what I am doing.
I am reading stuff that challenges my way of thinking.  I find that many books have stuff that is useful to me.  What is not, I tend to discard knowing that it may be never where I am at, or it is suitable for another time.  I give thought to what is impacting me at the time.
I am immersed in what is being said in Atomic Habits right now.  I actually really like it, and think he may be on to something.  He is saying that in forming habits we tend to have it back to front.  We are outcome driven rather than identity driven.
Outcomes (goals) are good and proper and necessary but the point he seems to be making is when the goal is achieved what then?  He has seen too many achieve their goal and then fall back into their old ways.
This is resonating with me because outcomes concentrate on the “what,” whereas identity concentrates on the “who”.  The most important thig is who I want to become rather than what I want to achieve.
I find this interesting as I have long likened life to marriage.  Even in politics there is the “honeymoon” period.  To me it is after the honeymoon period that determines the strength of the relationship.  Marriage becomes a choice, and it gets stronger.
Really that to me is identity. Identity is for better or worse.  The outcome is a strong marriage, the choice to stick with it through thick or thin is identity. (marriage is an imperfect analogy as it takes two to tango, and if one or both are not committed and honest enough to have flaws exposed, it is an uphill battle).
But the reason this is impacting me is not a marriage thing but a who I want to be thing.  As stated, I totally believe first step is an intervention thing, but I do think everyone faces a choice.  To me the issue is not the goal (most have noble goals), but who I want to become.
Tina Turner sang “what’s love got to do with it?”  In this case it seems to me it is “what has feelings got to do with it?”  To me it is a resounding “nothing.”  They come and go but they are not always who I want to be.