Honest with Myself

Something that matters to me is being honest with myself.
It seems too easy to package motives a certain way to make them look good.  I can look like I am doing the right thing for the right reasons, but I can know it is just looks.  Often when I examine why I do something it is because that is what I want.  The outcome may be good for many, and it may elicit pats on the back for me from others, but the bottom line for me is it may have done others good but not necessarily me.
I tend to agree that I can fool some of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but I cannot fool all of the people all the time. 
The person I least want to fool is myself.  I reckon that is too easy.  When I fail to be honest with myself the inclination is to justify actions.  The worst-case scenario for me is justifying something so often that I start to believe it myself.  What is true no longer matters or is obvious.  The reality I have created is what is believed.  Never mind that just because I believe something does not make it true.  It may be true for me and others but we all go down together.
I once had to perform a song and I asked a really good group to back me.  They kindly agreed and did a great job.  But I remember saying (it was a joke, and it was never going to happen) if I am going to go down, they are going to come with me.
In a similar way I reckon it is possible for others to go down with me in what I hold to.  To me a sincerely held belief that is wrong is still wrong no matter how sincere the belief.
I am a big bottom line person.  I was that way with accounts and I am that way in many things.  I probably do not always do it but it generally is not for want of trying but in all things I like to find out where something may be leading.  It is outcomes or potential outcomes that interest me.
I must confess it is the way I look at the war that has my attention at the moment.  Both justify their actions.  Who is killing people? Who is destroying property?  Who is stealing to get what they want?  To me it is the fruit of actions that tell a story.
Same goes for me.  That is where I need to be honest with myself.  Fair dinkum that in not always pretty.  Sometimes I don’t like me.  But the only way I can be better is through a realistic self-assessment and getting the help available.