Holding On

It seems to me there are reasons for stuff.  Right now, it seems I am writing about lots of things I deal with in daily life.  I reckon that is how it is supposed to be.  There is no doubt more issues than I can poke a stick at, but I am not dealing with them right now.  Besides, if I tried to deal with everything at once I would no doubt be deflated and take my bat and ball and go home.
What I want to deal with is issues that are front and centre.  I feel I cannot move on without doing so.  As sure as eggs, if I leave something undone that should be dealt with now, it is not a case of “the end” but “to be continued.”
I tend to like summarizing things in a sentence I find easy to remember.
This morning was no different.  It occurred to me “if I haven’t got it, I can’t use it.”  That came to mind because there are things I have had to jettison from my life that I knew were doing me no good.  I know there are other things where that needs to happen, but if one at a time works, I will take that.
What I am finding is the approach to something mostly proves to be far worse than the leaving of something.  I hold on to stuff as though to live without it is inconceivable.  Yet when I let it go, there is a lightness and a wondering why I held on to it in the first place.
That does not mean there are not times I want it, but that is when I think and am encouraged by, “if I haven’t got it, I can’t use it.”
In times past I know I have jettisoned something only to retrieve it and use it again.  Often I find that process hard.  It is like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.  I need to make it fit, and the result is not pretty.  It is like I am full of something but emptier.  I put temporary pleasure over eternal pleasure.  Someone has said that is a form of insanity and to my mind it is.  It reminds me of when I have gone for a run.  At the end things are clearer.  What seemed import before I set out, did not when I got back.
It is funny, it is like I fight my way through dense forest and vines but when I emerge a wide desirable visa opens up before me.  The tools I needed to get through the forest I keep but I need a different set of tools for the landscape in front of me.
There is a reason I wax lyrical concerning gardens.  It is something we spend a bit of time in.  Not that we are really good gardeners.  Probably a fair summary is “no one is more surprised than us when something works.”
We were only marvelling together yesterday about something that worked.  We planted some trees (small at the time) years ago with the thought they would make things cooler where we sit.  Lo and behold it was so!
Some things I need and some I don’t.  If I don’t need it then, “if I don’t have it, I can’t use it.”