Heart of the Matter

For me it is the heart that matters. I used to spend a fair bit of time with someone who would say some outlandish things. Yet, I knew in their heart they were exceptional. I would spend most of my time trying to have that side of them respond.
Yet I only knew that as a result of spending time with them. Others only knew them at face value. Going on that the person was to be avoided.
They say that what is in the heart comes out. And it does. For some there is a lot of stuff in the heart. Attitudes and outlooks that cause most to wince. But I see it as the core that matters.
For me it really depends what I want to dominate. Am I happy with a “blow you Jack” attitude and to spread venom willy nilly? Or do I care? I reckon it is ok to think what I think, but it is not ok to not care about the one I am talking to.
So often it seems it is not what I say, it is how I say it. I know what it is like to be on the end of a verbal barrage. My first response is always to assume a defensive position. I know it is not the case with everyone, but I will consider something with time and pick out what may have been true. If it applies and will make me a better person, I will try to do something about it.
For me that is easier said than done. I have my own way of dealing with things, but it has been recommended to count before I respond. That way I am not saying the first thing that comes into my head. My aim is always to get closer to someone rather than push them away. There are exceptions but I am not talking about toxic people.
But no matter the person I do not think it is ever right to be rude. Like giving like for like. I must admit it seems to be seen as acceptable to be rude to some people. There are some careers I have never heard of anyone striving to achieve. Most it seems do it until something better comes along. As always, I will try to put myself in another’s shoes. I know I do not like to be treated with rudeness and disrespect. A firm no I can live with. It is not what I say, but how I say it.
To me it reeks of inconsistency to hold to something and discard it when it is inconvenient. Either it is true, or it is not. When it is not true, I can make hay. When true, I need to hold to it even when it is not the usual way things are done.
But then to me it all comes down to the heart. Is what I say who I am or is it some belief I claim or disclaim depending on circumstances? What I hold to may not be the flavour of the month, but some things I abandon in a crowd, make me more alone than ever. When I betray my heart, I betray who I am.