Grief

​Grief
There seems to me there is never a time I feel more alone than in my grief.  Eventually everyone goes home, and I am alone to deal with the issue at hand.  People are great.  They are there to help and empathise.  I totally need others.  Yet there must come a time when everyone has gone, and my grief is a very personal thing.
I have known grief over many things.  Sometimes it is leaving a familiar friend.  Sometimes it is a loved pet.  Occasionally it can be a possession or a job.  Always there is loss.  The hardest one for me is a family member.  I have confidence I will see people again, but there is always a knowing that someone or something will not be around.  I can take comfort knowing they are “looking down,” but unseen is not the same as seen.
Grief is not the loss, but the response to it.  Not all loss produces grief.  Sometimes it can produce a sense of liberation.  Something that held me back has gone.    I guess it is like losing excess kilo’s.  It always amazes me.  Someone says they have lost 10 kgs.  Put that on a weight to lift and that is a lot.  A 10kg fish is a substantial fish.  No wonder people say I feel like I have my life back.  Suddenly there are possibilities there that were not a short time ago.
It seems everyone has a different way of grieving a sadness producing loss.  For some, one would never know, while for others it is like the floodgates are open.  I am somewhere in between.  In all cases, everyone does their best in very difficult circumstances.
There is no “correct” way to grieve.  Everyone handles it differently.  I am just a “results” man.  There are many ways to get to a mountain as long as a person gets to the mountain.  Though I hate it, I never see grief as an end in itself.  Loss can make me bitter as a lemon or sweet like a mandarine.  The choice is mine.
Grieving is totally natural and should not be resisted.  Though grief can cause unhealthy results if I let it.  It effects the immune system.   I took dad to a funeral of someone close to him.  He got as sick as a dog after it.  When grieving, I am more vulnerable not just emotionally but physically.  Some get angry and never get past it.  The same goes for depression or loneliness.  To me, it is legitimate to feel all these, but unhealthy to not get past them.
It is a process.  There will always be a sense of loss, but the tears get less.  Dealing with what is at hand kicks in.  The future can still be bright.  Unpleasant as it always is, and I would always prefer to go without it, grief can make me a better person.  My choice.