Gossip

“Someone who will talk to you about another, will normally talk to another about you.”
I thought that was really good when I first heard it.  I have no idea where I was, or who said it, but I have made it mine.
I think what this is not talking about, is the exchange of information concerning another, or building up that person.  What I think it is referring to is gossip.  Gossip is really juicy, and hard to resist.
Unfortunately, many of our magazines seem to deal in gossip, and the unwanted intrusion into the lives of others.
My understanding of gossip is that it pulls another down, and makes us look good.  I use many ways to justify it.  It can seem right, but I do not know it ever is.  It is often prefaced by my saying things like, “I’m only telling you this because,” and “Have you heard?” or “That is right, but”.    There are no doubt many other ways to start it, but the end result is generally character assassination.  I need to ask myself, does it make the other person look better, is it betraying confidences, is it really necessary?  Sometimes if I answer yes to it being necessary, I need to be honest with myself.  Is it really?
The thing about gossip is, it generally highlights the inadequacies of another.  The thing is though, that is not news.  Guess what, we all have inadequacies. Sure, some like to pretend they don’t, and others like to hide the fact, but welcome to the human race, we all have em. 
This does not mean I need to dwell on them.  Maybe I have a mole on my arm.  I don’t dwell on it.  It is there.  If I need to deal with it, I do.  It is a part of life, not life itself.  Of course if it needs to be dealt with and is not, then it may become life itself.  My inadequacies are a bit the same.  They are there, and are dealt with while I live.  Do nothing, and they can become all consuming.
One on one, with the person concerned, is a different story.  There are things I should know, and someone else should know about me.  This does not mean that I randomly spill the beans, but it does mean that as confidence grows, so should trust.  If someone walks away at some disclosure, then I need to ask myself were they ever really a friend?  I need to be careful though, perhaps they just need time to assimilate what they have heard.  Anyway, I believe that someone who is a friend, will always want the best for me.  I need to remember too, that no human being has it all together.   I may care, but I have my own issues.
Gossip destroys.  No matter how well intentioned I think I am, I don’t believe it is ever right.