Done Deal

I am having trouble explaining this one to myself.  I am hoping that by writing stuff down some things will become clearer.  I sort of see it like a picture that is coming into greater focus.  It may not be clear yet, but I am making out more than I could – like buildings and trees.
I sorta saw things in me that I want different.  Better.  Three words changed my perspective completely.  “Not my problem.”
I saw like I never have before how often in my life trying to be better produces frustration.  For sure some things improve but maintaining that position is a tiring battle.  And they are the easier things.  Long standing things cause me to (figuratively – not literally) throw up my hands.  I really know that trying to change myself for the better is a losing battle.  What I have tended to do was hide things.  Act like they did not exist.  One word sums it up for me.  Frustration.
It is like in table tennis.  I always tried to have like against like.  No one likes losing all the time.  When losing is the only thing someone has to look forward to they tend to walk away.  (playing better players occasionally helped me improve while playing lesser players occasionally helped me maintain.) (It has nothing to do with anything but I reckon I could just about write a book called “Zen and the art of playing table tennis.”  I have seen good players that should have won, lose because of attitude.  Or one word I think is one of the most dangerous traits I can have – complacency.)
That is the way I have felt about some things I would like to see change.  I had only known loss in the past and loss was all I had to look forward to.  To me that is give up territory.
But this morning another word sums up my feelings.  Relief.  My outlook is going from do to done.  I have experienced it enough in the past to know it works.  Today I have seen it in global terms in me.  It is not just an outlook for one thing, it is an outlook for everything.
Anyway thanks for bearing with me on that one.  Somehow it feels like I am onto something.