Dilemna

There was an ad on Foxtel recently that really rang true for me.  The narrator said “I have found that there is bad in good people, and good in bad people.”
I reckon it is great to see conflicted characters in pictures these days.  There is good in badies i.e. Thors bro, the bad guy in The Last Jedi, and Gollum in Lord of the Rings.  There is also bad in good guys i.e. House.  I love those characters.
I reckon the conflict sums up the human dilemma.  I think most of us have heard someone say “they are only human.”  Generally this is said to justify some behaviour that is out of character.  Most of us have been there.  I know of a person who summed it up this way (my words – they put it much better than I do) “the good stuff I would really like to do I find myself not doing, and yet the bad stuff I would like to run a million miles from I end up doing!”
For me, sometimes, it is like I am in a car and revving the engine big time, but going nowhere. I am in neutral.  At other times I can be worse than that.  I’m revving the engine big time, and on a hill in neutral, and the breaks don’t work.  I want to do the right thing, but it does not come naturally.
Thankfully at other times it is a piece of cake.  The everyday stuff I’m ok with most of the time, it is the other stuff, that can be a real problem.  There seems to be a lot of reasons not to do something.  Sometimes I can even convince myself.  But deep down I know different.  I need help.  I know I do.  Thankfully it’s there.
To me doing the bad stuff when wanting to do the good stuff is it in a nutshell (what is it about nutshells???) Just because I aspire to something does not mean I will obtain it.  It takes work, and commitment, and other things. A table tennis player recently said to me that the planets must have all been aligned because what they had planned all worked out.  We may have different ways of putting things, but often we mean the same thing.
Personally I think that if I want to be a good person or a bad person I should just be the best I can at it.