Civil

​“This was the most civil speech that ever prefigured a civil war” (William Safire).  It was one given by Jefferson Davis.  He represented Mississippi which was withdrawing from the Union.  His words “I carry with me no hostile remembrance” is believed to have inspired Lincoln who was his adversary to say in his inaugural speech “malice towards no one.”
I have found it beneficial to leave places on good terms.  Thankfully it is not a ruse or a ploy, but tends to come naturally.  My thinking is that I have a choice.  I have found that whatever is emphasised tends to grow.  If I concentrate on the negative, there is normally more and more I can add.  I am glad to say the same mostly goes for the positive.
Things tend to become all consuming.  I remember saying to a fella, “you can stop being negative now.”  What he was saying was true, but it was not all that was true.  To me there was overwhelming good stuff.  I am big on not neglecting and (when I can) doing something about the negatives, but working with the positives.  Often it seems I can crowd out the negatives if I highlight the positives.  A full bottle cannot contain more.  I would rather be full of positives and crowd out the negatives.
I was thinking about this the other day.  We live out our lives and many things are positive, then when we watch the news and it is full of negatives.  We are our own worst enemies.  What sells better “man arrives safely at work” or “mass murderer claims another victim.”  When we watch the news, it can seem all that is happening is bad stuff.  It is good to avoid an area where a mass murderer is at work, so I need to know.  But I also should know more of the good stuff.  It is probably why good news stories are so embraced on Facebook.  The cry of many seems to be we don’t get enough of them.
Naturally we need to deal with problems, and many spend their life doing so.  But to me it is turning a negative into a positive.  There is enough negativity in the world to keep us all busy, but I am glad to say it is not all there is.
Some seem to feed on the negative.  No wonder the phrase was coined “garbage in, garbage out.”  To me it is one of the reasons we are seeing such hideous crimes.  Many are feeding on those scenarios.  It becomes their world.  It becomes all they know.  Everything else is crowded out.  It can be horror things.  It can be ripping people off.  It can be just making sure I am set up without regard for others.  It seems to be everything else is crowded out in pursuit of an aim that only satisfies the purveyor.
It almost seems to me I can have my cake and eat it too.  When pulling a cart, it was said that a carrot achieved more than beating the animal.  To me, building up where I can, seems to produce more that is positive, than criticizing.
I know someone who wrote to Main Roads saying what a good job they did on a bridge.  I dropped a note in someone’s letter box saying how much I enjoyed their garden.  I just know that praise feels much better to me then criticism.   To me it is the little things.  Sometimes something can seem inconsequential, but praise for many little things makes a big thing.