Choice

It was over 40 years ago but to me it was like yesterday.  I still get embarrassed about it.
I was at uni in a psychology class.  I don’t remember much that surrounds the incident except this question.  There is a donkey and to his right and left there is food that is an equal distance each way from him.  Would the donkey a) go to food or b) die where he is, because he could not make up his mind.  Please don’t tell anyone but I chose b.  Sort of reminds me of grade five where for me to get something right was the marvel.
The psychology question was really about hunger.  For the donkey, it was a choice of being hungry or satisfied.  Distance mattered less than self-interest.
Personally, I love choice.  It does though lead to good and bad things.  The bottom line for me is I am free to choose.  I prefer to have choice, rather than being a manipulated puppet.
Sometimes though it seems the choices I have are weighted against me.  I think of institutional unemployment.  If a person has seen their grand-daddy unemployed, and their father also, then there is a good chance the person will choose unemployment (there is often more to it than that, but for some the choice is that simple.)  For others all they have known is a bad relationship, and they gravitate again and again to that.  For some it may be gang involvement.  All their friends are in a gang, so it seems to be a natural progression.  Too bad violence and crime may be associated with the gang.  It just goes with the territory.  Making choices though, is not confined to people that may be on the wrong side of the track.  I need to make them every day.  They may be simple like what to wear, or they may be more complicated like what to do in a sticky situation.
In all cases to choose differently may mean opposition and a lack of understanding.  The pressure is on to maintain the status-quo.  But if my choice is based solely on emotion it is sure to fail.  When difficulties arise, I will question and abandon my choice and stick with what I know.  I have been there.
Now I am thinking of the early settlers.  It used to take three days to get to Gympie.  Now it takes under two hours by car.  Early settlers chose to go to Gympie (there is gold in them thar hills).  They knew though that to get there, involved traversing swamps and forests.  But they chose to go.  The goal was seen as worth it.  If it was just an emotional choice, they would have turned back at the first swamp.  Swamps and forests were not going to stop them.  They would get there or die trying.
The choice to go to Gympie was not just a one off.  Every day they had to choose again.  Bit like me really.  Every day I chose.  If my choice is just emotional, I will avoid the swamp.  As good as emotions are, sometimes where I go is just a choice, devoid of any feel-good emotion.  It does not mean that emotions are a thing of the past, but I need my choice to be based on decision and not emotion.
Sometimes it is easier to go with the flow rather than swim against the tide.  But I want to be true to myself.  Others may care, but they are not walking in my shoes.