Childlike

I was listening to a song this morning by a group called NeedtoBreathe called Child Again.
It got me thinking about being a child.  Not childish.  That is like immature and silly or appropriate for a child.  Not for an adult.  But Childlike.  Though when I looked up the meaning of that word, I had to go to a definition further on that immediately comes to mind for me.  Trusting.
It seems to me there is a major hindrance to that.  The song mentions the past.  The past is not a biggy.  It’s huge.  It is amazing the number of times things of the past are too big for me to get through a door if I am carrying them with me.
Though when I mentioned trust my first thought was to consider the trustworthiness of the one that earns my trust.  To me “earn” is the key word there.  I have seen promises made that were broken.  When that happens, trust is diminished.
I could not believe it.  I was told by someone they wanted to live to 100.  When I asked why they said, “to get back at my son.”  I was so not expecting that.  Something happened and was ongoing, that had caused a schism between him and his son.
I have found it is not a good idea to say that God is like a father.  Some have terrible experiences of their father, and if God is like that, they have a total misrepresentation of his nature.
I saw a movie the other night starting Sam Worthington and it was all about someone getting past a past injustice.  It was something really terrible.   He took the first step and admitted he felt no difference.  I really liked the response.  Basically, it was it may take heaps of time.  To me that is the way it is.  Some things come easy.  Some don’t.  But one thing is for sure if the past is allowed to dominate me it will only grow bigger.
There are things in the past I do not want to forget.  Good experiences.  Some things I do want to not only forget, but break the power they have over me.  I may not admit there are things like that, but somethings are like touching a raw nerve.  All is well until something or someone is mentioned.  Then the unloading starts.
Or sometimes my coping mechanism is played out in my everyday behaviour.  I may not even realize it, but the way I relate to people is borne of one or many bad experiences.  It colours the way I see the world.  The way I treat people.  If I am aware of it, there is a good chance I do not like it.
I needed help.  Sometimes I feel justified holding hurt but the only one who suffers is me.  To me, no matter how hard it may be, it is important to let go of the past.  Not in a pretend or flippant way but in a real way.  A “change my life” way.
After all, I can never know real life when a running response may be required, but I am weighed down with stuff.