But You Said...

This is a continuation of assume from yesterday.  There is a different emphasis.
The bottom line is basically to say what I mean and not to assume the hearer understands what I am saying.
I was reminded of a guy who wanted a Ferrari for his birthday.  Rather than tell his wife straight out what he wanted, he decided to give hints.  The opportunity arose for him when she asked, “what do you want for your birthday?”  Rather than tell her straight out what he wanted he coded it in the belief she would understand what he wanted.  He said, “I want something that goes from 0 to 100 in seconds.”   She nodded and said, “say no more.”  When he opened presents, she had given him a set of scales.
That is the danger of assuming someone understands.  I had someone do me a favour by cutting back some growth.  I had not conveyed what I wanted, and it was cut back to the point of looking like a desolate land.  I had not been clear.  At other times my dad and I discussed what needed doing and we were so glad we explored it fully.  We discovered we had totally different things in mind.
So often what needs to be said in love may seem harsh, but it is not and satisfaction is only gained when something is told as it needs to be.  Both are happy.  I had a situation like this recently and after saying it the response was, “that is exactly the way it is.”  I was hesitant at the start, and we both were glad at the end.
A true friend will say the way it is, rather than say what may be perceived as what is wanting to be heard.  A situation can only be dealt with when the truth of the matter is conveyed (so often it is how something is said, not what is said).
I am really hesitant with this one as I do not want anyone thinking I condone mouthing off.  I can think I know best, but I am wasting my time telling another if I have not earned the love and confidence of another.  What I say may be right, but I am wasting both our time if the way I say it is perceived – rightly or wrongly as judgemental.
But even when the time comes that the time and methodology is right, I need to be clear and ensure the message I am conveying is the message that is heard.